I've noticed a lot of people I went to high school with have settled down and gotten married. It was nothing for them to have kids, everybody but maybe two people I was cool with is a mother/father...but marriage is different. Now I saw the trend happen first with all of my caucasian friends....didn't reallly efeect me that much because I almost expect that from them....but recently, I guy I went to school with since probably kindergarten just got married to his high school sweetheart I presume. He's a 24 year old black man. I only point that out because that doesn't happen to often....at least I haven't witnessed it anyway.
Talking to my one co-worker, her and her husband just got married about a year ago but had been together about 12 years prior. To me, that's an achievement in itself but in my mind I'm always thinking "let's see them 20-40 years from now"
Everyone claims they've fallen in love at one point or another...
People even believe they've found the ONE and go through with a marriage
But with high divorce rates....just because they go through with it doesn't mean they're going to stick with it.
I always say I doubt I'll get married....only because if I do, I don't believe in divorce/getting married multiple times. If I change my last name and vow before God, my family and friends you're the one - that's it. You're stuck with me until death do us part even if it means we have to kill each other.
If I get married I want to make sure it's established that we can get along and through any situation. I want my best friend and lover all wrapped into one lovely package and I'd want him to feel the same way about me. I've seen all three sides of marriage.
My Grammy and her husband were together since she was 16 in Greenville, S.C.. Had her only son at 18. Gramps called a white man a cracker almost got killed and they ran away to D.C., opened up a bar and made money together. Finally settled in Philadelphia, bought a house and survived together. There were times they couldn't stand each other....I mean one Sunday she got mad he went to church without her because she wasn't dressed yet and shot the man in the leg. He didn't press charges or moved out. She nursed his wounds and they went on about their business. They were together until Gramps died in 87 and now they're together again once Grammy died in 2007.
My own parents....met in college and despised each other. My dad called her an uppity bitch and she hit him with an umbrella. Somehow the two found something in each other that lasted until they got married in 83. Summer of 86 they had me....during my younger years I knew of them through visits, so I didn't experience their relationship head on...but I knew they'd go on trips together every year and always seemed happy. Older I got the more I noticed the space between them whether intentional or not. Sleeping in different rooms....barely any communication unless its deemed necessary....and I'm almost the middle man at times relaying the message between the two in hopes they gain a better understanding of how the other feels. How are you a couple but you can't even talk to each other? To me that doesn't even seem like a marriage....its an arrangement of convenience now....they both need each other to maintain their lifestyle, and after all these years - what's the point of moving on now?
My aunt....the free spirit, never has a problem getting a man but they never stick around for long. She's been married multiple time....at least 4. Numerous boyfriends throughout the years and as the internet got more popular she even started using online dating sites since her main focus became her work and her billiards hobby. I even called her out on it one time to say she had a new boyfriend fro every holiday she'd come to Philly and visit....and we'll see if this one lasts past Christmas or New Years. Finally at 50, she's married again to a man we all hope lasts til the end. They seem to have a relationship that works, they've built a great life for themselves and overall seem happy together even when they have their little disagreements, because she's opinionated and he's a lawyer.
Out of all the examples, of course the ideal I'm after is the one my grandparents had. Regardless of what happened they were there for each other. Hatred could boil to the point of wanting to kill each other but they got through it went to bed and woke up like it never happened. It's that genuine type of relationship where you're always willing to make it work...because that's what marriage is....work. Just because you get married the hard part isn't over...that's when it begins. You have to fight daily to make sure the feelings you came in with stay alive....never getting comfortable or just being assured that because you got this ring that all there is and there's nowhere else to go. Everybody now thinks the moment they can't come to an agreement or get along it's time to seperate....
Unless it's drastically unhealthy/unsafe for the both of them...maybe the two should sit down and try to determine how they got to that point and work on it from there. Even if they need to talk to a counselor or therapist so the middle man can assist in smoothing the conversation down - it can help. Arguing isn't gonna help....and nagging won't make anyone listen...
Ah well...I'm rambling....just some thoughts since I am getting up there in age and that point in life is surrounding me.
If it's meant to be it'll happen, but those involved gotta be willing to continue to work at it too
