...Confessions Of A Commitmentphobe Part 2

The Confessions of a Commitmentphobe

The Battle between The Mind and The Heart

…I like him

I mean REALLY like him…

He even told me that he loved me and could see us getting married in the future

You know what? – I love him too

Wait?! – I love him?!!!

No, stop this madness right the fuck now

You can’t do this! We’ve been down this road one too many times and it never ends pretty.

Besides, if you admit you love him back, then you’ll be trapped for sure.

But he’s a nice guy. So far we’re doing well. We have our problems, but who doesn’t?

I believe this could be the one that sticks around. We get along great, we talk about any and everything, he’s just like me humor-wise, the sex is amazing, and I truly like being around him.

PFFT! Yea bitch for now! Give him another month after you admit your feelings – the beginning stages of psycho male will begin. Give him 6 months and that beast will be alive and well. Marry him? – Then you’ll just be psycho’s trophy piece while he bangs the secretary, his new female mechanic, YOUR hair stylist, and the first lady of the local church – and DARE you to speak of it or leave him because of that!

I can’t believe all men are the same though, that just heightens my paranoia…

Maybe being paranoid isn’t a bad thing. That just means you’re cautious…but right now you’re slipping.

You’re letting everything he says & beautiful imaginary plans for the future sound like gospel and forming him into your heaven on Earth. You need to snap out of it and float your happy ass back down to reality. Being in love clouds your judgment and we’re NOT going down this route without clear precise thoughts and actions. I’m making sure you look out for #1 which is you – not him. I bet you haven’t even though about what you’d have to change just to appease him since that subject probably hasn’t come up yet. You ain’t even noticed that your friends haven’t called in a week and a half and you blew off going to your Big Sister function for him and you don’t miss seeing those girls or your friends for ANYBODY.

That’s not his fault…

No, it’s yours for putting HIM before YOU. You already have a life and so should he. You should compliment each others lives, not change them – and that’s what starts the problems.

But we’re fine with how things are…

Are you really? So far it’s only been one thing & one week, soon it’ll turn into a year or more and all you’ll be left with is him and your job – if he doesn’t make you lose that too

It’s not even that drastic! You just went from being blindly in love to a prisoner in isolation with no means. Ok, I missed the function – he planned a surprise evening for us and after all that, I couldn’t just say no! I’m returning to the meetings this week FYI. You can’t judge this whole relationship on a few slip ups.

A few things become everything. It’s a snowball effect! Have you even been home lately? I think your dog is starving and dehydrated. Keep playing these games with our lives with you’re fucked up judgment and we’ll end up right back where we started: An emotionally drained wreck – all alone

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...Confessions Of A Commitmentphobe

I was thinking long and hard about myself. I noticed in the past couple of years I've kept all prospects at arms length even if people on the outside noticed the chemistry or atleast that my current showed an interest in me. It was then after speaking with a few friends I declared that I possibly turned into a commitmentphobe. As life goes you try things, they don't always work, and sometimes you get hurt - but sometimes some wounds don't heal as quickly as others or they open other wounds that you may not have fuly dealt with from the past as far back as childhood. Then after googling it and seeing it's really a phobia I came up with this 3 part series as a creative way to kind of get the emotion out and also help me cope and move on, because if not I'll stay in the same vicious cycle...C.O.C. part one...enjoy...

Arachnophobia? [scared of spiders] – Nope
Acrophobia? [scared of heights] – Not at all
Anthrophobia? [scared of people] – NEVER
Coulrophobia [scared of clowns] – Ok, maybe a little
But my phobia is commitment.
Sounds crazy right?
Normally you’d believe females LIVE for commitment and only dread NEVER finding it
…Not me
My brain seems to translate commitment into the ghosts of relationships past, the visual of present unhappy souls, and the terror of the future if one sudden decision is made.
It’s synonymous to settling
Settling equals death
Death equals a routine falling into place, and life as you KNEW it – is over
It’s that unsettling feeling of what will be given up in order for this partnership to sustain and fear it would be all for nothing.
Come on, people can barely stick with a hair color or a pair of shoes, much less another person – especially when there’s so much variety out there
Marriage & Stability all sounds grand
Who would deny “true love” and a pretty ring on their hand?
Everyone in the world has a soul mate – right?
The promises of lifetime devotion, affection and happiness – what more could you ask for?!
But if that’s broken, what happens next…?
Am I just destined to continue to give my all just to watch it crumble beneath me?
I’ve rearranged my name, my ways – shit my whole life
I’ve listened to the pretty words and felt the tender touch, only to find out he bailed to see if the grass was greener with a cheap thrill or regardless of how much time and effort I put in, it’s never enough…
The nerve of that ungrateful son of a bitch!
…and Reversal is a motherfucker!
All that time invested, now to start anew…again
Trial & error is how we figure out what works best
It’s also the easiest route to grey hairs and stress
Apparently I see “LOVE” is just a fly-by-night emotion
Dedication seems to be only for the older generation – and even they’re slipping
I’m tired of having my heart ripped out
I don’t want to constantly have nagging feelings of frustration, distrust and confusion.
I’m terrified that the only results will be yet another sad and painful story
I don’t have the strength for it…
If I could actually encounter a person who is genuinely honest and not full of shit, this probably wouldn’t exist.
Stop feeding me poetic lines with no substance. Don’t tell me things you think I want to hear. I don’t even want you to tell me I look nice when I obviously look wrecked, because even little white lies can turn into a whale story in 10 seconds flat.
When I was younger I did dream of one day having the whole family ordeal
Now it’s just a painful conclusion that a similar real life situation is either a bad decision with permanent ramifications or a fleeting ideal from the Medieval days….
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