…You Don’t Want None!

…bangin 8Ball & MJG all early in the morning…LOL

First…Shoutz to Mr. Christian: I am wrong…You are right *ninja bow*

Now to my purpose…

I got mad at my short hair and got NEW hair…if you haven’t already noticed. I loved the easy maintenance, but I love length [probably why the Lord never lets me keep it…BLAH!]

I finally had to come right out and tell my co-worker I won’t date him, because his ‘subtle hints’ were getting gay now, and ignoring them didn’t help (..guess that was playing hard to get..?)

I inform him because we work together I won’t do it. He decides to argue the fact we don’t work in the same office - it doesn’t count.

I clarify my statement by saying as long as we both work for this COMPANY…I will not date him…now he wants to keep a low profile and go to the movies..WTF?!!!

I’m breaking it down as much as possible and staying civil…but he just believes since his ex worked at his last job it’s ok everywhere with everybody…[not me buddz…sorry]

It sucks because now he REALLY won’t look at me and we don’t even bullshit to pass the time anymore. It’s exactly what I didn’t want if things went left and I got it anyway.

Why can’t you just be my friend?!?!!

..that’s all I wanted..

Now recognize there’s nothing wrong with him…I’m not being picky – just smart.

It kinda goes with my preferences [which are picky]. Although it doesn’t buffer all the drama that can ensue it helps a little that if I date an individual - they don’t know the same people I do. Call it possible paranoia or a lesson from experience, but I don’t need the familiar friends conferencing about us or feeling because they know us both and are comfortable they have the right to over-step their boundaries which doesn’t fly with me. I just like keeping everyone in their own worlds and none of them meet until I find it necessary or it’s something I can’t control. Drama can and will rear its ugly head in any situation…but like I said, it does help.

You do your thing and I’ll do mine then we’ll comfortably meet in the middle…that’s my ideal anyway…

Randomly yesterday I decided I have a new nickname LOL. By using the First Pet/First Street rule my name is Kittie [Kit E.] Montgomery . I think it’s hot lol. It rolls off the tongue…Kittie Montgomery in the Morning…LOL

Sounds like some of those rich yuppies on TV when they introduce their wife Katherine and she replies “…Call me Kitty…” *dead*

I’m dying laughing but I dig it...I'll add it to the collection:

-Cherry

-Slim

-Diddy

-BITCH [I hear it so much, might as well claim it]

*-Kittie [Kit E.] Montgomery ..dunno if it’ll be the word or Kit w/ initial

My partner in crimes name is Brownie Belmar…hotness as well

It was destiny ( Twin Towers taking over…)

Now I’m off to do my manual labor…

…Gotta make money ‘til the dream is fulfilled….

POW!!!

...Taking My Camera Off Retirement

HEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!


been slacking on taking picz...majorly
...brought it back alil for Madam CJ's Bday shindig

...She can never just take a regular pic - get em Benonce Jones...


Turned that 23 at 32 Degrees down Olde City...nice place - could use better music choices tho.

That beautiful weather spoiled me. Now all I know is RAIN - slightly pissed off
I'm also on the lookout for other Drake performance stops. I went to his show by accident when he was here and missed most of it...now I NEED to go see it in its entirety. I'm hoping one of his stops flows with my roadtrip and I will detour indeed.

Since it's May it's time for my annual photoshoot to shop around for my summer gigs. As a present to myself I'm booking myself a shoot w/ Glamour Bitch Photography for my Birthday. She does great pin-up shots with hair makeup and wardrobe and I've alwayyyyyys wanted to do that. If I like this one, I'll end up going to another photographer I found who said she'd have me in a Billie Holiday-esque shot which sounds verryyyyyy awesome.

Oh...and greasy breakfast food is NOT the business

Stay Piffy - Get Money!!!

...It's Over...

A satisfaction you don't want
A pain that hurts so good
The promises you always make
But never follow through

All the signs are visible
We're hanging by a thread
All I had in me for us is drained
frozen - embalmed - dead

Your eyes don't shine when you see me
My heart sits still when you're around
Our soundtrack began when we first met
...I no longer hear that sound

It's the time before the break-up
Waiting to see which side will lose
First one to speak up
Last one to choose

It's not you - it's me
Take the blame to be the bigger person
There's no us or we
Let's leave now before I feel worse - and

All the signs illuminate
It's time to cut the thread
No chance "to be continued"
This movie has come to an end

...guess you can say it's over...

...My Flippin Eye Candy

I will never like your girlfriend, but I will always love you...

...Monday Yet Again

First off...WTF is going on with Swine Flu?
Bird Flu - Mad Cow - now this...it's bullshit, and I'll be damned if I'm giving up ham and porkchops!!!
Next we'll have Disgruntled Fish and then what will be left to eat? I'm sure as hell not eating my pet!

In happier news, it was like summertime in Philly this weekend and it was BEAUTIFUL!! I along with the rest of the city took full advantage of it and you couldn't tell us shit.

Weekend was cool...Friday went to a Karaoke bar and laughed at people making fools of themselves.
I spent most of the night just coming at this guys neck...bow-tied the shit out of him every time he spoke. It wasn't even on purpose - sometimes it just flows...especially since I kinda don't like boul. It got so funny it turned into a round table w/ his friends jumping in after I said some fly shit...hilarious

Saturday went out into the suburbs got piffed to take a nature walk and shoot down unsuspecting animals w/ my BB machine guns...shit was fun. Quite funny that the walk took a lot out of us cuz once everyone settled n got re-piffed we just passed out.

Sunday tho...that was the perfect way to roundup the weekend.
Majority of the day was spent at the Plat...in my beach chair- BBQ'n - getting piffy - music bangin - soaking up the sun - children playing - everyone happy - sharing food & drinks [atleast they did w/ me :)] - Horses frolicking - and nonstop traffic flow of cars, bikes, and anything else someone decided to deck out.
I wish I had my camera that day because there were cargasms out the ass man...

I notice a lot of broads got bikes now. Some were just hype as shit while others were pretty fly, so I give em props [only hate when necessary].
I actually want a bike...it would work if I wasn't so scared of fuckin myself up on one - friend of mines skinned the shit out his legs and I saw it all and the recovery...messed me up ever since.
One day before summer ends I'll get the courage to ride on the back of one and move on from there.

On a random tangent...I noticed the only female I consistently speak to is the bestie. Everybody else is male.
Guess I'm one of those jawns screaming "I don't bang w/ girls"...oh well - it makes my life a lot chiller and fun cuz guys are so much easier as friends.
If they really find you to be cool n start to trust you, they keep it 100 most of the time, they give honest feedback [even if its for their own benefit, its still honest], and dumb shit girls would blow way out of hand or egg on for years doesn't phaze em unless its another guy that starts it...and even then they let it go the next day.
Oh the joys of being a male I guess...

Ah well...gotta stop slacking I guess - back to work *whip snap*

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

**DOUBLE FEATURE**
Also a double Kanye ft....get ya money Yeezy


This is an effin bangerrrrr. This has been played quite frequently during this wonderful span of beautiful weather. It's modest cockiness at its finest.
"Kinda Like A Big Deal" The Clipse ft Kanye West

I luv Kid Cudiiiiiii....I'm especially amused by Common's part "You be on that conscious tip/ Get your mind right and get up on this conscious dick..."
"Poke Her Face" - Kid Cudi ft Kanye West & Common

Sucks the weekend has to end...Warm weather still around tho :)

...Oh Shit Son!!!

This Japanese dude is like....*mouth drop* pure hotnessssssssss

...So Apparently

...Even if I finish school, gain my degree and accolades, pursue any further classes to make sure I know all I can for the career I've chosen, meanwhile racking up allll this debt...
Because it's a recession and I'm black I probably will end up unemployed and uberly broke - then told I'm over-qualified to work anywhere else...even get rejected by Walmart...damn

FOR FULL STORY CLICK HERE...


Shit is getting deep...but all I wanna know is - Why is it always the Black people who get the highest numbers of the worse things. We can't even be positive and get an education without ending up on a list with a negative outcome...Times change and circumstances are re-arranged...but it's like we're still just a group of niggaz no matter how we try to progress

...Fav Song Of The Moment

***....Double Feature....***

People may not agree with everything Diddy does, but I give him this...he knows his boy bands - I mean this is the same man who brought us Jodeci...nuff said. Anywayzz off his recent reality spawned creation's album "Forever In A Day" [which was actually quite pleasing] Day26 has gotten this song etched in my brain...and Willie *swoon* sings his lite brite ass off for his wife...and Que ad-libs his precious little voice off to end the song
Just Should've Told You

Never fails to make a drive in my car feel...I dunno if "soothing" is the word, but its just the feeling I get when I know I like a song enough it could be put it on repeat and just coast along...
This CD is hilarious and verrryyyy creative and if you haven't heard it by now youse a suckaaaa
88-Keys Dirty Peaches

...I Just Wanna Be...

...I just wanna get my life on track
Have stacks on deck
Name ain't Soulja Boy but I'd LOVE to cash his checks
I'm not killing the environment or moving drug supplies quick - but I've got motivation & determination...can you follow that?
I hustle everyday
It feels like legal work never pays
I piled up three jobs and school just to make my own way.
Plenty people doing it
But I just think it's bullshit
Why should I sell my arm and lung for something I deserve to get

Why I gotta suffer for a few bad apples
Niggaz with no goals
Broads acting like hoes
Swear having ungrateful niggas' babies will make them happier as time goes
I'm fuckin stressed out
but I won't give up now
I'm waiting for my stock to rise higher than the DOW
I just wanna be in a better place where there are smiles on everybody's face
That day I'm living comfortable now THAT'S when I'll feel Successful
Not the Money-money or the Cars-cars and the Clothes; No hoes, you can keep those
...I just wanna be successful...

If this life fails, I'll become a rapper in my imaginary one and be my own biggest fan
LMFAO

...Another Day In The Life

...I got Skype recently...
but my camera won't work and I have no idea what I'm doing...So I'm gonna buy a new one & catch up w/ my buddy to get it straight
PLUG ** wtfhms.blogspot.com **

..while on Twitter, one of Rev Run's wisdom quotes said basically "Do What You Love & The Money Will Follow."
So I thought about it and I love: Music, Writing & The Discovery Health Channel...I could say science, but I love science in action - not notebooks...ya dig?

So I decided to kinda double major.
I'm gonna return to my first major which is my love...Communications/Radio & TV Broadcasting.

I became hesitant about sticking with it because of the possible long period of not being paid, but I've been talking with a lot of local DJ's, I'm helping my friends who make beats and rap network to current hot & up-coming artists, and taking my hustle to another level to where the pay isn't even a factor - its my drive...so might as well make it stronger with knowledge :)

I'm still gonna be a Radiologist...but if what I want comes through - its a done deal. Atleast I'll have my degree...

Now my main dilemma is: What will my DJ/Personality name be.....?

...What-The Eff-Ever

Some dumb little birdie flew into my windshield couple weeks ago. Yesterday a crack appeared - Today it spread across the drivers side...I hope I killed that bird.

I now decided this morning I'm gonna sign up for more online classes to speed up this process. I'm also going to get the day job to pay for em by taking something so general it can pertain to them to help knock out the rest of those gay ass preliminary courses.

The Day Job had this awards dinner for us earlier this week. I kinda had a good time too...besides it was free food and open bar - why the eff not. After the dinner was the funny part. My co-worker who I'm also very cool with decides to hit on me the ride back. I wouldn't date him for three reasons:
1. You never eat where you shit
2. If things went left, because I appreciate him as a friend it be really awkward
...and most important...
3. He just broke up w/ his girlfriend
....I'm no ones rebound jumpoff...paleese!
But now...poor precious can't even look at me lol...He'll get over it tho.

I went to dinner w/ my Daddy last night and we had a long talk about my mom and stuff. He felt bad that she made me feel that way but in only a way he could tell me, basically I just gotta get over it. It's her fault we are the way we are. For whatever reasons she may have - whatever events occured in the past, she refuses to realize what she really has in not just me, but her family. One day a light bulb might go off in her head...the fog may clear from her eyes...til then I have to get it through my head: If she hasn't acted like my mom in all these 23yrs, she never will...and because I'm already "grown" - its no point. All I can do is just accept her as she is, and hope one day she'll do the same for me

...Gotta learn to write my hurts in the sand and carve my benefits into stone...

"...yes I was burned but I call that a lesson learned..."

Making progress!!!!!!

...They Had Alot Of Time On They Hands

But it is pretty funny.
Rihanna's Revenge

...Gotta Vent 'Cause It Hurts

Soo...
Last night I was hungry as shit and came in the kitchen where my mother was w/ Tyk. Since she technically only has one hand, I was helping her fix her plate. While doing so I feel dizzy and sit down - I pass out and hit my head.
Tyk tries to help me up while my mother steps over me, continues cooking and says "That's what you get for smoking weed."
I brush it off and continue trying to fix plates - I fall again. My dad heard it and ran up from the basement and Tyk helps...Mother continues cooking, not even acknowledging my mere existence in her kitchen besides trying to tell everyone its my own fault for smoking.
...I wasn't high nor had I smoked at all that day. The problem was I hadn't eaten all day - rushing, and my body was prepared to shut down and she acted like just asking if I'm ok would destroy her whole world.
It's not like that was an isolated event. My mother is good for ignoring me, leaving me up the creek with no boat and not even bat an eyelash.
All the time I ask myself...what did I ever do to her?
I've always noticed she had mixed up priorities, but I didn't know to what extent...but the signs were all there. Why else would I live with my Grammy majority of my growing life and her own husband feels the pain of neglect because everything else is more important.
I mean jeez...I know she didn't want me, but after ALL THIS TIME...does she still not accept me?

I act tough as nails, I don't take much shit thanks to the lessons from my Dad - but...It just kills me on the inside to know the person I've always wanted to care...won't.
The person I received the least attention from I craved the most approval from.
She took it all in stride as me being the great child she made...I guess.
No thanks to her though...
She never helped - but she'd always brag.
She was never there but she always got credit. Like I'm only good enough when we have company or out in public like a doll.
In my opinion all she did was house & incubate me for 7 months. Once she actually felt the need to be around me, I was 16 and didn't want to be around her. When she decided to be my authority I had no respect for her in that manner. When we should've been bonding she was jetsetting across America. I don't blame her for doing what she wanted, I just wish one of the things she wanted to do was be my mother.
Children who parents gave them away or died have better relationships than ours. Sheeit Keyshia Cole and her crack momma get along better than us.

Since I'm older I tolerate you as you probably do the same for me, but if you even showed an ounce of the affection you show your friends, coworkers, church people, and EVERYONE ELSE..maybe this fire that burns me to the core against you could die...
...Why is it you can talk to and teach other kids when you never tried to teach me anything but how to be a standoffish bitch. You were supposed to be my role model...my figure of how a mother - a Woman should be...
...Guess I'll keep trying to learn on my own

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

I thought of the song and magically while I was getting ready for work it came on VH1 Soul. This woman has the B-E-A-Utifulest, most soothing and familiar voices ever. Gotta Love Her
...Anita Baker
Enjoy...

...Just Saying...

I Love The Obama's. Not just because their the First Family, but them as people in general. They appear to be the most sincere and thoughtful individuals....seriously - it's really great. They recently met The British Prime Minister and his Wife along with The Queen of England Elizabeth II.

According to foreign diplomatic protocol, gifts should be exchanged amongst the world leaders. Usually they are stuffy no meaning gifts, but, of course, the Obamas added in some surprises. They gave the Queen and Prince Philip a video IPOD filled with footage of her recent trip to the U.S., Broadway songs and classical music.

In return, they received the autographed picture of the Queen herself and Prince Philip.

As for Prime Minister Gordon Brown and his fam:

Mrs. Obama selected a personal style favorite for Mrs. Sarah Brown – a broach (to be specific, it was a “crochet black flower brooch with pearl accents”). John, 5, got a baseball bat signed by Derek Jeter, a baseball signed by President Obama and a book titled Classic Baseball. For younger brother James, 2, there was a collection of 10 Dr. Seuss books.

...Morning Randomnezz Round Up

Soooo....
I finally joined Twitter [luvnmuzik215].
I figure if people on CNN use it, its gotta be something good right? So far its quite amusing. It's like a never ending Facebook status update.

I got my review from my day job for the year, they finally realize I'm effin awesome and gave me a raise - and for that I am thankful since every little bit helps.

My teachers have all been convinced that its in their best interests to let me pass out of my classes...now on to the next round

I strongly believe there will be a XULA/N.O. reunion in July. I haven't been there since the hurricane so it be an awesome trip and cool to see all my old friends again after all these years. It's also triple awesome because it falls with my Birthday, which is a holiday in itself. Anyone I know that's still down there will be alerted once I book everything.


On the down side, got in a fight over the weekend. It was atleast for a good cause - helping my bestfriend out of a bad scene. Ended up getting my knee checked again and sprained my pinky, the bestie got a boxer's fracture. All I know is sometimes certain males just shouldn't be allowed to associate with the outside world until they seek professional help...

'09 seems to be keeping a record of being a very interesting year so far. Whatever comes next, bring it on...
My phone is gonna die now cuz I'm on the internet n haven't charged my phone since Saturday lol...pz

...Fav Song Of The Moment

I Sang My Heart Out In The Car w/ This Song Today...So I Believe It's Time To Come Here
It's A Beautiful Song By Daniel Merriweather including the effin awesome voice of Adele
Water & A Flame
...Enjoy

...I Couldn't Sleep

Thinking of What Ifs, Why Nots, & Maybes til early in the....

Morning...
Sun peaks through the blinds warming my skin alerting me it's time to move - but I don't want to...
Awakening...
I slowly open my eyes to be immediately met by yours...smiling back at me
Dreading...
The thought of leaving your side motivates me to complete my tasks as a means to reunite quickly
Evening...
Daylight hangs while we exchange glances that resonate loud & clear to each others senses
Enjoying...
Your company is a gift I'd love to receive everyday and twice on a Sunday
Reciprocating...
All the love you constantly show me. I love you times INFINITY...and that's still not enough
Loving..
Your familiar smell and the way you can tell what I want before I even think it
Admiring...
My precious piece of perfect imperfection, placed together with precision...all for me

...Sickkkkkkkkkkkk

King James on 60 Minutes

...Fav Song Of The Moment

I happened to glance at a person's photo and this started playing in my mind...and it won't leave - it is what it is
...I Guess I'll See You Next Lifetime...
...Enjoy

...My Flippin Eye Candy

**DOUBLE FEATURE**

First off...I've luved Aubrey Drake Graham since Degrassi...so his bandwagon is full - Thanks
But anyway, He's an actor, rapper, turned singer...all I gotta do is see him dance and I'll be completely swooned lol. I'm moving to Canada soon too...

Then there's Kid Cudi...
Maybe cause he's the "Lonely Stoner"...I don't know...but this Kanye West cohort...is sexy...can't help it...*smile*

I'm in luvvvvvvvv....

...I Just Want...

-Clarity
-To know that I'm not wasting time with my life at this moment
-To not second guess myself
-To figure out what I believe...and stick to it
-To know in my HEART that nothing and noone else is made for me
-To stay HAPPY
-To not feel the way I feel

...I just want to know


...only way to gain more knowledge is to ask tons of questions...the quest continues...

...Sunday Thoughts & Rambles

...I had this friend back in high school. Everyone told me not to associate with em...MY name would be drug through the dirt by being around em, my own dad told me nothing but trouble and drama followed em - but that was my best friend.
I was there through all the drama, issues, life turns, life changers that brought them up to a ceratin point...but I was always the wrong one. Maybe I never saw where I was making the mistakes but to me whatever I did was dumb and no reason for a blow out or ending of a friendship.

"You never speak first to me when we get to the bus stop.." rendered a six month non speaking clause...wtf?...silly high school shit - back when at that moment EVERYTHING seems like a big deal, even when it isn't


You're a little older now, some lives changed more than others...but that's still my best friend
We go on a trip to celebrate my birthday. Random turn of events like a malfunctioning room and a rip off hotel freezing my entire account and not just the amount due and incidentals, preventing me from spending money and therefore having fun. No prob, since we drove my car we'll just go back home, get a refund, thereby unfreezing my account, have a big dinner my mother cooked and tons of fun with the money we saved...wrong

We came back on a Friday, I called my bank and the hold the hotel placed on my account wouldn't be released until Tuesday. That kinda worked since that's the day I return to work and I inform my best friend. So also on Friday some of my friends from out of town came to visit me for my birthday, so I spent the time with them doing sightseeing touristy things and when we went out it was their treat because it was my birthday. We had the dinner at my house that my best friend didn't attend although they live right around the corner because they were cooking as well...no prob.

So on my last day of vacation I dropped my friends off at the train station and just having a relaxing final day before returning to work. I then get a phone call from my friend asking me wassup with they money, why am I ignoring em...blah blah blah. Now I'm confused because I swear I told em I'd give em the money on Tuesday. Now they're yelling at me about her mom's electricity being off like it's my fault and just bitching me out over something I can't help. I then inform her I'm not sitting on the phone to be yelled at and banged. She then calls my house phone leaving messages on the answering machine cursing and carrying on and saying I ruined this friendship over the money she would get back from the refund. Demands her stuff back and makes me rummage through her room to get mines...somehow it even got to the point where her mom really asked me if I stole the money! Even threatens to take me to court over some money I was giving back to you plus interest anyway. [Mind you it was $90]. I'm feeling all sorts of disrespected by some people I've treated like family and even better at times. They proved to me that "Friendship becomes Henshit when it comes to money" even when I'd spend money that I didn't have on my best friend...So from that day on, I've refused to speak to them. I'm good for holding grudges...and this one has been on for a few years
[long story but I needed to get it off my chest for good]

I on a whim sent her a Myspace request just to see what the response would be. She questioned my motives, but my only response was "No motives - just did it." She said "I haven't acted like I cared in years.." which is true...but better late than never..I had until one of us died to do it.
My internal reasoning is for myself. It's like my own sign that I'm letting the grudge go. I'm not trying to be best friends or anything again...just one of my steps of trying to be a better person like I promised earlier this year.

Once I got my phone back I called every number I had in there to try and start calling people.
I'm designating Sundays as official "Call Back" days. Talk to any and everyone regardless of how much work I have. Only way people will keep communicating with me is if I communicate with them. The psychic told me I'm a clear individual but I know I gotta work on getting my clarity out to everyone.

Me & My Dad had a conversation not too long ago about something parallel to this...
It was basically about the defense mechanisms my dad instilled in me because of his pain and with me being an only child. I'm guessing it causes me to instinctly push everyone away when I feel they're trying to hurt me in any way. But if I push everyone away there will be no one left and I have to realize...I need people. I can't do everything by myself, even if that's how life has played out for me so far, at some point I have to confide or depend on someone else and pray they follow through and even if they don't it's a lesson learned. I just really gotta learn to trust people...

It's a slow uphill battle, I've got years of dead skin to shed...but I'll continue to pursue the goal - wish me luck...

...I Think That Bitch Cursed Me!

...So the psychic told me I had a bad spirit following me...and either she put a fuckin hex on me to give me an evil spirit or because she called it out she pissed it off.

After talking to this woman, I continued hanging out with my bestie having an awesome night out sipping on Happy Juice roaming the city. As the night winds down, somehow my knee decides to give out...not just once - but four times! All four times I land on the knee and the fourth time I was trying to walk down some outdoor stairs and fall...fun right?

I get in this huge fight for no fuckin reason right after it, get ready to call for a ride...no phone.
While checking my pockets I realize my debit card is missing as well...now that's two things to cancel...whatever

Now I'm in the house the rest of that weekend with unexplainable bruises/marks and a bum knee that I thought would just work itself out...nope

Wednesday was my deadline for medical help and the knee wasn't better so I'm forced to go to the ER to be informed its sprained and I gotta wear this giant monstrosity of a leg brace until I see an orthopedic doctor...that I can't see even though I have an appointment, until my primary doctor decides to send the specialist the referral.
Now I gotta go all the way up Germantown to tell this bitch that has nothing to do with this why I wanna get my knee checked out to come back down Southwest to get it checked and then go back to work...all of which is why I DIDN'T want to go to the hospital at all...effin hate America

Then after coming from the ER I go to work and park where I normally do when I can't find normal street spots. At the end of the day I find out an hour b4 I come outside I got a ticket for being there when I park there damn near all the time!

I'm just waiting for the next shoe to drop because bad shit happens in three's and I'm not looking forward to it.

I swear she did it on purpose just so I had to come back to her for that fuckin cleansing...Miss Cleo scam artist ass...
But do believe if more shit happens I may have to holla at her...she started it so she's gonna finish em off....

...Just Wow

Cosmetic Ingredient GML Protects Monkeys From AIDS Virus

A new kind of vaginal gel prevents sexual transmission of the AIDS virus in monkey studies.

The anti-HIV ingredient in the gel is glycerol monolaurate or GML. It's already FDA approved as an ingredient in cosmetics and medicines.

"The results are very encouraging. They point to a novel avenue to prevent sexual transmission of HIV," study researcher Ashley T. Haase, MD, head of the microbiology department at the University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, said at a telephone news conference.

The surprise finding that GML can block HIV comes from basic research showing that the AIDS virus gains a foothold in the vagina by taking advantage of the body's immune system. Immune responses to the virus draw T cells — the white blood cells HIV loves to infect — to the site of infection. Without T-cell recruitment, HIV loses its grip.

That's where GML comes in. The antimicrobial agent affects immune responses and breaks the chain of events that let HIV spread through the body.

"We thought if we could modulate the immune response at the portal of HIV entry, we could block sexual transmission," Haase said. "[Colleague] Patrick Schlievert's work with GML showed that it had many properties that might block HIV expansion and systematic spread."

Haase, Schlievert, and colleagues gave five rhesus macaque monkeys daily GML treatments before putting 200 infectious doses of deadly SIV — the monkey version of HIV — into their vaginas. Another four animals got a gel without GML.

The four animals not given GML got AIDS. Those treated with GML showed no sign of infection during the short-term study, although one of the five animals showed signs of infection several months later. But just as HIV drugs with different modes of action are more effective when mixed into a drug "cocktail," Haase says GML could be mixed with different kinds of anti-HIV agents.

"GML could be part of a combined strategy with another vaginal microbicide, such as PRO 2000, with a different mechanism of action," he suggests.
Ingredients of GML Anti-HIV Gel in Common Use

GML is found in breast milk, Schlievert says, and it is used in many cosmetics and in medicines taken orally or used on the skin. And recent studies show that GML kills many different kinds of germs — including vaginal yeast infections and several different sexually transmitted diseases, said Schlievert, professor of microbiology at the University of Minnesota.

"GML is presently being considered as an additive to tampons because of its ability to interfere with bacterial growth, including the bacteria that cause toxic shock syndrome," Schlievert said at the news conference.

For vaginal use in the monkey studies — and with an eye toward future human use — GML was mixed with KY Warming Liquid, an over-the-counter product widely used as a personal lubricant.

"What was done was to combine two FDA-approved medical devices to create another approved device," Schlievert said.

However, Schlievert said GML has not yet been tested for long-term human use.

And there's a lot more work to do with monkeys before GML gel is ready for human tests. That will have to be done before human studies of GML gel for HIV prevention.

Haase, Schlievert, and colleagues report their findings in the March 4 online edition of the journal Nature.

...So I Was Talking To This Psychic

And I was waiting for her to say something off the mark, but she didn't...eff what anyone thinks. I'm not going to live my life by it but it was pretty deep.
All she asked was my age and looked at my palm
She told me I didn't like my current job and that my school plans are a great idea
All things medicine would fit me :)
She says she sees marriage and children in my future
She says I'm a very clear person, and I'm getting irritated people aren't understanding me
She says an ex I keep going back to is holding up my progress
There's somebody who I have chemistry with but we can't communicate no matter how clear I am
And there's someone who likes me but is intimidated by me
There's a jealous female in my life as well
I've been having a series of bad luck going apparently...and out of left field she tells me that there is a bad spirit that has been following me since I was younger that's causing it and I needz me a cleansing!!!...yea whatevz
But for the most part, it was an interesting expereience and I probably wouldn't object doing it again

...He Still Sexy Tho....

Rihanna's full description of that now infamous evening has been released.
Possibly soon coming is the photo the day AFTER she took the picture for the police - that's when the actual swelling starts and the injuries look 10 times worse.
I'll still support Chris but this isn't looking good, and since he's not saying much there's nothing else to do but believe he's an asshole for kicking her ass like that.
I'd still need to know the whole situation to place any full judgement, but it doesn't look good court-wise.
Now it's gone on a new tangent since their supposedly engaged or married now after spending time in one of Diddy's homes in Miami recently after the incident.
Rihanna is supposed to be testifying that she had a part in the whole thing to help because she "can't live without him..." If found guilty he can get up to 9 years.
Guess we'll see what happens....

For the warrant hit the link:

http://staging.radaronline.com/exclusives/CBWarrantRed1.pdf

...Freakum Dress Was My Hype Song LOL

This just seems like my answers would be interesting...And I can jam my ass off at the same time :)

1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS



1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Ready or Not - The Fugees

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Yes - Beyonce

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
ChampagneChronicNightcap - Solange Knowles ...you bout right tho

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Warning - Biggie ....damn - thats my shit tho lol

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Bedtime Stories - Slim ...seriously?

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Feel So Good - Remy Martin ft Neyo

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Walk Like An Egyptian - The Bangles ...LMFAO...

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Blue Magic - Jay-Z

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
Can't Let Go - Anthony Hamilton

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Down & Out Freestyle - Lil Wayne

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Nothing Even Matters - Lauryn Hill ft D'Angelo ...cot damn

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Happily Ever After - Case ...PaLEEse! LOL - I'll see what happens

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
I Refuse - Aaliyah

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The Message - NaS ...ain't that deep

15) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
What Means The World To You - Cam'Ron ...OMG..no..lol

16) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Halo - Beyonce ...effin right I'm a cot damn Angel!!!

17) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Strange Angel - Keri Hilson

18) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Lie About Us - Avant ft Nicole Scherzinger ...like foreal tho?

19) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Take The Box - Amy Winehouse ...naaaa

20) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Body Marked Up - Willy Northpole ...but I LUV tats...

21) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Dirt of My BAPE - Lil Wayne

22) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Knocks Me Off My Feet - Stevie Wonder

23) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
I Love College - Asher Roth ...that song is funny tho

24) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
I Nominate U - Fantasia

25) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Betterman - Musiq ...how cute

26) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Like Glue - Sean Paul

27) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
That's Why You're Beautiful - Beyonce ...well damn, who the eff is that?

28) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
It Takes Two - Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock ...I'd jam more? - sure!

29) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Naughty Girl - Beyonce

30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS NOTE AS?
Freakum Dress - Beyonce

...Point Blank, Effin Period

I Hate Snow...ugh

We're 'supposed' to get around 7-14 inches. I doubt that number, but its pretty bad outside. Its been snowing since last night, the wind is pretty strong and most schools are closed.
Unfortunately as usual, banks are open and we're sitting here like some retards staring at the wall and each other. We've had maybe 20 customers since 8 this morning.
I'm spending most of my time jamming to my music, playing Solitare & Pinball.

Getting to work wasn't too bad but I got a ticket because Broad Street is a 'snow route'...whatever the fuck that means, it wasn't that way last time it snowed n I got a $51 ticket. I got outside just in time because the cops were rollin down the street giving tickets and towing cars away. I'd rather have the ticket then find out my car was missing though.
Only good thing is I don't have to pay it :)

Now if you've never been to South Philly, that is the worst place to not have a parking lot or have to park on the street in general. I swear this section of Philly is over-populated, damn near everything is 2hr parking unless you have a permit, then they park in any direction they feel like it because "its South Philly."

I can't park next to the sidewalk because its 2hr parking, but I can double park next to an already parked car to block them in and turn a 2 lane one way street into my parking haven....whatever

Anyway..on another topic, my new co-workers finally asked if I was mixed with anything because I'm such the light bright.
Everyone questions me whether it be my complexion or even my name...doesn't bother me tho, just thought it was funny.
...oh well guess ill finish playing pinball

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

Song rules...Awesomely creative video
...so watch it
Now off to the gym

...Must Be Metal In That Glue She Used

Ain't this some shit...bet she's glad she paid that extra 5 dollars

Other than having a bit of a headache, a Kansas City woman was uninjured after a bullet fired at her ended up tangled in her hair weave. Police said the 20-year-old woman was in a convenience store parking lot late Wednesday when a man flagged her down and told her that her ex-boyfriend still loved her.

She replied, "Well I don’t love him," then heard gunshots. She said she looked behind the vehicle and saw her ex-boyfriend firing a handgun at her. She stomped her accelerator and fled, then turned into another parking lot and called police.

Surprisingly, the woman was briefly hospitalized, but received NO INJURIES.

...Fav Song Of The Moment

Early Morning jamming
This song is like...the greatest
REVENGE!!!
The Big Payback - James Brown

...Well, Um...There You Have It

The proof of the damage is now released
...yea he fucked her up
He knows he wrong for that because he knows she can't sing - her face is all she has!!!!
I sooooo wanna know the whole story...

...All I Can Say Is Woooooooooooooow

Lil Kim has [Michael Jackson'd] herself...
...bitch looks creepy now
She used to be fly and she fucked herself up...damn

Before



After

*shivers*
Not a good look at all....

...Umm - Rude Much?

Anyway you take it...pretty harsh

...I Know She Felt Salty As Shit

Awwwwwww Mannnnn....

...I Think I May Move To Canada...

So I was watching this documentary about health care in the United States and how it compares to its foreign counterparts in Canada, Britain and France....

Apparently, everyone in those countries are supposed to live longer than us because they all receive adequate health care from the government.
Socialized health care is supposed to be a communist threat over here for some reason....
And it doesn't help that while Nixon was in office he signed this bill that guarantees less service to the patients so they HAVE to keep coming back which then makes them more money....wtf?!

Hilary Clinton made it her first lady duty to push for universal health care, but was shut down by the insurance companies who then bought her out so she'd shut up for the rest of her husbands term...

...So American of us...instead of fighting for equal health treatment for our country we cater to greedy insurance companies that refuse to lose money for that outrageous liberal idea that works everywhere else!!

...and don't get me started on insurance companies...

The company we're trusting to "INSURE" us, is finding any and every minor reason to deny us the care we need in order to give their execs billion dollar bonuses.
File clerks become 6 figure earning associates just by denying a man the stem cells that are available & could save his life and subsequently dies...

...So killing people is a billion dollar business???...so why aren't the bouls on the block rich?...Why not give the terrorist a parade for all the lives lost & the remains that were never found - shit...they just saved Blue Cross trillions of dollars because those people won't need any treatment - just burial preparations.

No wasting money saving peoples lives, there's NO TIME to help pay outrageous medical bills a regular family can barely fathom paying in full from an illness unforeseen without selling everything they worked to gain

Or even better....tell the people you'll pay for everything, then change your mind because the patient forgot to tell you one time back in '92 they had a yeast infection - so therefore they lied on their application for insurance and it is now canceled...

Kick an elderly disoriented woman out out of the hospital onto the street in her hospital gown and leave her in front of a place that takes in patients when their insurance runs out...

Don't help the people who volunteered to help with the wreckage and devastation at Ground Zero after 9/11. Even though it wasn't their jobs they did the same amount of work and got sick from the fumes or mentally disturbed from the images they encountered while moving the rubble...but because they weren't REAL firefighters the government won't help them with their continuous need for medicine and treatment...ugh

Things like these taint the whole vision of what america is supposed to be about. This is another thing I believe should be free and is free in other countries [along with college...go figure...that's why these bitches are smarter than us!!!]. But the major difference between us and the other countries are, we as American people are scared of our government while their governments are scared of their people...the way it should be.

The millisecond they don't like something they are out on the streets in the governments face telling them what they will and will not do until the change they demand is met.
It has been that way since the beginning of time.
They will kill their own leader if they don't help, and their government doesn't want or need history to repeat itself.

While over here, the only reason we'll assassinate a leader is because he wants to change the country for the better. Any bright ideas that can bring change, possible social and economic equality, and just an overall face lift to the country is a sin and a threat against the "american way."

Well I say the fuckin american way [I didn't capitalize it on purpose...straight disrespect!!!!] doesn't work!!! When there are million of citizens dying because they are denied or can't afford the treatment that should be available to all who are in this country, just because it makes the insurance company and their employees more money.

Yes overseas and Canada pay a shitload of taxes, but I'd rather pay out the ass in muthafuckin taxes than keep trying to make things work with this corrupt system we have now.
I'm going off like all hell, and its all because I watched a documentary by the same man who created Fahrenheit 9/11. It's called Sickos and it really dives deep into the many cases and tragedies caused by the incompetent systems we're forced to rely on, and how awesome life would be if we'd follow the lead of other successful countries.

The main goal of socialized health care in other countries is...*wait it's a shocker*...to make sure you get better!!!!!

If you need to go to the hospital - go, no problem its free.
Having a baby? - go to the hospital - it's free and you stay until you're completely better, not just the 2 days your insurance pays for.
Having surgery? - go get that tumor out without having 15 press conferences to explain how bad you need it - it's free
And recovery....Take as much time as you need to get back to your regular self and full health potential. The government will pay 65% of your pay and your job will pay the other 35%. And don't worry about your job because you have a MINIMUM of 5 weeks sick time, so you can reenergize yourself...

Sheet..just had a baby, and still trying to adjust? The government will send over a nanny to help for as many days you request and do all you ask within reason...for free
High taxes would be nothing compared to all the service and benefits that come along with it.

And its not like the doctors don't make any money.
One doctor has an approx. million dollar home, 2 Audi's, goes on multiple holidays and is living quite comfortably in his situation, so its not like they won't get paid.

A Frenchman on the documentary was asked if America could ever use this method of health care and he without hesitation said no. He was probably an anti-america club member as well, but I agree with him.

If America even attempted, they would find every solitary loophole in the plan to corrupt it just like everything else that started off with good intentions in this country.

It's sad to be so pessimistic about a country that's supposed to be the land of hope for everyone else...I don't care though.
I don't stand for the national anthem, I don't salute the flag - I don't even like america anyway....eff it

Guess I should start learning my new national anthem....
"Oh Canadaaaaaa....."

...Were You Alone On Valentine's Day?

Don't worry...go to AYoMaComeHereLetMeHollaAtYouForAMinute.com
Dating Website...for the hood bitches
LMFAO!!!

You are a romantic muthafukka!!!!

A YO MA! from DITCH FILMS on Vimeo.

...When I Grow Up I Wanna Be In Debt - Just Like My Parents

Happy Valentines Day to whoever still cares about that bull
If that's your thing I hope you watch gay movies until you puke

Anyway...Yesterday at work we had a deep convo with a customer.
She was telling us about this policy Clinton was trying to pass when he was in office.
Basically the plan was an option for high school graduates to get a part time job and do community service for two years. The community service gives them the chance to work in many different fields as a means to help them figure out what they may want to choose as a career. During the two years, the community service will add up to cash that will be put towards their college education...

When you really think about it, more people DON'T know what they want to do for the rest of their lives than they do. They then go to college with a major they think their parents would like or help them choose, or the number one career off the hottest job of the year list...sucks.

Now a days, school is too expensive to take chances on something you don't have a passion for...and alot of times from what I've noticed, there's a 50/50 chance the degree you gain will have NOTHING to do with the career you fall into. College is supposed to be where you enrich your craft/gain the knowledge and be armed with the degree that will push you along the way in life.

PRIME EXAMPLES:
My mother graduated with a degree in Elementary/High School Education. Her focus would be history...She is currently the Assistant Store Manager of Babies 'R' Us

My father graduated with an English degree. His focus was something like being a Librarian...He is the Admissions Specialist/Financial Advisor for Hahnmann Hospital.

Both have made great lives for themselves, but they spent all that money to NOT follow their degree...they just have them to show they went to school. To make it even worse, my dad graduated college in '76...he finished paying off his school loans in 2000....24 effin years later!!!!
And he went to a state school, back when school was a million times cheaper...its fucked up.

I am also a prime example...
I spent a year & some change at Xavier, came back home took some classes...all the while I was working. Knowing the goal of school was to make money and I already was...I stopped going. Period. I didn't have that pure drive and determination because since the beginning of my school career I've coasted through school and managed to still get A's & B's. All I cared about was making the money and doing my thing. Years pass I gain more focus, I know what I'd love to wake up every morning to experience and NOW I have the pure drive and determination to get this done, to start my career instead of go to my job and take my life to the next level.

In hindsight, that could all be looked at as a waste of money but not once do I regret any of my decisions. Everytime I learned something new, I met great people, and it opened my mind that there are more things in life than my bubble in Philly.

It is possible that if that I'd of taken the break first or the Clinton deal was put into gear it could've done some different things...but...life lessons - lesson learned indeed

I don't really think I have a point, just a rant... And I know I'm probably all over the place, but to me it makes sense.
It's just with the way things are going in the world...the one thing everyone should have [which I personally think should be free] is an education. But every year the costs go up and it's becoming more of a burden to continue your education than an opportunity....

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

FINALLY...theres a video for this....
...awesome...

...Rihanna Done Stepped Outta Line!!!

...why he looking at her like "...Bitch"



APPARENTLY...While leaving Clive Davis' party, this happy couple got into a heated arguement and Chris had to smack a hoe and get her in check - I MEAN...a break up gone terribly wrong.

She is said to be suffering two contusions in a likeness of horns, bruised eye, busted nose & lip, bruises on her person, and bite marks on her arms and legs. Chris has some minor bruises as well.

According to MediaTakeOut they both have their fair share of mean streaks.
I remember Chris on Punk'd at 15/16 ready to kick a fake waiters ass because he didn't like the tone he used with his mother and his random fights in clubs.
Rihanna ain't a sweetheart either...She's a regular hot headed girl from Barbados who admits to fighting her brother, smashing glasses in his face, so you never know- shit happens [no advocacy]

When she was dropped off at Hancock Park in L.A., a nearby person hard her screams and called 911. He turned himself into police and neither or of them showed up or performed at the Grammy's. His bail was set at $50,000 and he's being charged with Felony Criminal Threats - which is physical violence accompanied with verbal threats. Rihanna was also spotted at the station making the actual booking charges - but now she says she's not pressing charges.

Regardless - with all of this evidence and all of this ATTENTION...he's going down for it...Probation atleast for 2 years, community service, and anger management classes...pfft...lol...who knows though..
She must of come out of pocket or something...upsetting him like that
...I know this isn't a light matter regardless who the person is...I just find it slightly amusing because it's Rihanna - eff it.
Early morning goodness...now off to work :(
FREE BREEZY!!!!!!

UPDATE:....so I'm also hearing weapons charges floating around...let me find out he was tryna body this jawn...

...Behind This Vest Lies A Heart - Gangstaz Need Luv Too

So I'm having one of my daily worktime text messaging convos, and I received a text from my cousin...[one of those gay ass chain letters everyone sends]...It's a Valentines day one, so for the fuck of it I send it to everyone.

A few answered which then led to my admittance of not even celebrating the 'holiday'. With a bunch of other stuff, I find it to be a load of bullshit.

I'm far from a Scrooge, I just feel if you're gonna show that you love/care for/ adore me...genuinely do it any and everyday we're together - not just February 14th, and the same would be reciprocated.

I'm not saying everyday buy me presents, buy me candy, take me out, buy me flowers and all things pretty....that doesn't mean shit, that's more protocol than anything.

Maybe females have all been brainwashed by unrealistic visions of love - but I always felt it was the sincere small things that build up to great things that mattered.
Things guys put actual THOUGHT into I figured would mean the most, since it shows they really listen to you and pay attention to details....

Make a scavenger hunt leaving all my favorite things at each stop leading to you my Grand Prize, Make me a CD with all the songs that make you think of me, make a picnic with my favorite food, or lets just go to the park and just hang out all day spending quality time getting to know each other all the more better...

It's not the money or shiny things that matter. They are nice I won't lie, but you could get me the unreleased Chanel anything straight off the runway, but if I never see you any other time...the fuck is the point?!
...but whatevz...maybe I'm weird


I just feel, Valentines Day shouldn't be as piped up as it is. It shouldn't even be a marketed holiday. Make me feel loved anytime we're together and Valentines day wouldn't even need to exist.

...And if Valentines day is the only time you get the attention you crave - you aint shit....Remember that
-Ashley

..."YES WE CAN"....Wear It...

...just couldn't pass up posting this
Italian fashion house Gattinoni has created this Haute Couture Barack Obama "Change" dress
*Giant Smile*...my President [and love of my life lol] inspires haute couture

...Fav Songz Of The Moment

Got a couple favz in rotation, so just figured I'd post em all too.

Unstoppable RMX w/ Drake [I didn't even know it was the boul from Degrassi yo!!...I loved that show too] & Lil Wayne

I Love Jamie Foxx's voice...and this song is just great - I can't stand it!!!
Weekend Lover...

Then last but not least, Keri Hilson... chick rules, but these songs are stuck in my head and I love em - so there...REEEEWind - bet you get that from yo daddy...cause something happens when we slow dance...

...College Fights

I don't know about these people, but if I was told there was a party called Cheyney vs. Lincoln vs. West Chester [which I was]....I wouldn't go [which I didn't] , knowing the possibility of all the people who will go and higher chance of a fight breaking out.
So one did, and like most people nowadays with cameras everywhere - they taped it and put it on Youtube.
It was a pretty bad fight, but now they took the videos down, tryna find who posted em and ask who the people were, tryna make it seem like party fights aren't normal...whatever. It's not good...but shit happens.
Feel bad for whoever caught the brunt of all of it...and a "DAMN!!" to whoever started it
-Ashley

...We Love Only What We Do Not Completely Possess

...Ok, I have a slight complex...but I know I'm not alone or maybe me and my best friend are just crazy birds of a feather.

Anyway...No matter what I already own or state claim over, I always want what I can't have...

Things that come easy or someone that I know is interested always become boring and I end up losing my interest in a heartbeat even if it was something I wanted as well...but the thing I'm not supposed to have or the person who doesn't even know I exist gets all my attention.

This could be categorized as a major flaw and a possible factor for a lot of drama - but for some reason I find it to be fun....[I've got serious thrill issues dude]
It's like a mission to accomplish or completely conquer then put my stamp on it like BAM!!!
Once I get it though, it then also becomes boring because the exciting part is over - now its off to the next project.

Of course whatever the last project was doesn't take too kindly to being just an object of my amusement. I know its wrong, and at that moment I really don't care...but I know I gotta snap out of it and I'm in the process of doing so.
Life isn't a toy and guys aren't life-size Ken dolls. Being an only child puts crazy habits and ideas into effect I believe...

Slowly but surely I'm working on that whole 'change from the inside - out' thing to become a better person

..Now if only I had that much determination to do my homework, then I'd of finished my entire syllabus by now.

Next on the list : Procrastination...I'll work on that eventually...

On another note...why is it when I declare I'm no longer dealing with people from the past, every last one of them want to magically reappear on some shit? They make me feel like something drastic is going to happen. I always say it's a sign I'm gonna die lol
...I hate that..o well - back to work

-Ashley

...I Guess Everything Wants To Change

I know I said I was making changes but I didn't tell my job to do that too!!

I'm being moved to a different office on Monday, unfortunately this one has one major flaw....NO PARKING!!!
I'm now going to be forced to spin around in circles down effin South Philly which is the worst place to not have designated parking for 8 hrs....but whatever. I was pissed but, I still got a job so I gotta chase the bad taste in my mouth with some sugar.

I almost fed into temptation and relapsed Monday, but I stayed strong and rebuked it!!!!

It's been snowing, so that just makes me countdown the days until Spring comes back so I can be free from the cold and happy again. Winter time takes away my joy along with the daylight and the sun.

I think I had more to say, but my mind has been wandering off on some serious shit today. I'll try and gain some focus at the gym later...now I gotta pretend to do work
-Ashley

...Confessions of A Commitmentphobe III

Soundtrack : You Made A Fool of Me...

My heart cried "LEAP!" while my brain screamed "WAIT!"
Alas - another heartbreak
Yet it wasn't him...it was me
I couldn't get my heart and brain on one accord and HE suffered because of it. The more he fufilled my hearts desire, my brain was waiting for the next train out of town.
I let him down
I let myself down
Shit, I just feel down...
It's sad, I try SO hard to save myself from others and I'm subsequently hurting myself..
I don't need to pull myself in so many directions that I can't move forward. I'm truly becoming my own worse enemy. I don't even look in the mirror in fear of my self ridicule. I reject others compliments and invitations for my critiques and scowling
...You made a fool of me
YES!!! YOU, not anyone else...
The more I begin to realize that, the more I dread ill never get out of this cycle and continue hurting. I ended up right where I feared anyway. Instead of protecting myself from others...maybe I need to protect them from me....

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

Been listening to this song a good amount of the day...
...maybe it's how I feel...New Dawn, New Day, New Life for me
...and I'm Feeling Good
I will now wind down my Sunday with laundry, a little research [got a paper about of course OBAMA due Friday...gotta pick a speech and basically tear it apart then explain...GAY!!!], and watch The Last King of Scotland

Nina Simone...enjoy
-Ashley