...2 Steps Forward - 30 Steps Back

I noticed a Trending Topic on Twitter today for #RonnieGeneWallace
not sure if it made the top...but I saw it, and I'm saddened.
No matter what year it is, there's still alot of hatred in this world....


Four men in South Carolina have been charged in the beating and lynching of this 42 year old male.
We're alot closer to 1899 than the future they swore we'd have by now...

ORIGINAL STORY

...Fav Song Of The Moment...Again

Ok so I sang Gaga all morning - but how dare I forget the song I played on repeat bout 5 times yesterday...and almost relapsed again today at work...I love almost everything he does...but this my song...
...got me wondering how u feel, wondering what you will or won't do
is it real love - you maybe the one that I'm waiting on....

Is It Real Love - Ryan Leslie

...Fav Song of The Moment

I've adored this song since I heard her perform it at an award show - obviously the specific show isn't important cause they all suck now....but I digress - since the show I went on a mad search for it and haven't stopped listening to it since....she's a deep individual but she writes some awesome songs.....

..could we fix you if you broke...? and is your punchline just a joke...?

Speechless - Lady Gaga

...My New Year's Resolution

...this is one I know I will keep because I thoroughly enjoy the "art" of pole dancing...its like my hobby almost. It actually takes alot of strength and skill to to some of that shit...not as easy as it usually looks. The tricks/ poses and things you can do with it are sooooo awesome.
My resolution is to sign up for a weekly or however often class, do some pilates to help with my flexibility and before the year is over - be able to emulate or at least do something close to this routine and better

This is a vid by Althea Austin

...Awesome Song Of Life

I already have a mild obsession for Ghostface....but this is the greatest song EVER haha
Stapleton Sex
...this aint no R&B dick this hood - my slow jam dick is on Thursdays...
...don't touch me...

...I'll Kick An Old Person For Disrespecting Me

...unfortunately this old person is my Grand Father and I've got to have respect for him regardless...

It's bullshit to me since respect is supposed to be earned in any other situation why doesn't this rule apply to him?
I tell my family everyday this nigga is being all kinds of spiteful...they say "..leave it alone, don't say anything - he's depressed..."
His depression was brought on by his own stubborn ass need to ignore all the doctors orders, refuse to go to his treatments, and curse out his physical therapist just because "he can - he's old".
Now he has no mobility of his left side, which would've been avoided HAD he complied....its his own fucking fault
He does nothing but stay in the house all day because he pissed off all his friends by not trying to do better after he got sick and then refuses to go to any senior outings to at least get fresh air because "he don't wanna be around all them old people"....muthafuckka YOU old too dog...now he's alone
He is the EPITOME of the old people I swear I'll kick they cane from or trip down some stairs...because they feel since they're old they're entitled to be disrespectful and mean cause they're suffering - fuck that dumb shit

He's blessed to have a family who basically doesn't believe in putting our own in nursing homes and will take care of you by any means necessary. My mother has damn near reconstructed her entire house to make it suitable for him to stay and easy for maintenance in the event he was to make a mess...
...but this nigga just think its fair ground to just seek and destroy new territory...
You have a bucket to spit in...but you'd rather just do it on the floor
You have your own bathroom/adult diapers/utensils in case you can't get up...yet you'd rather purposely sit in the kitchen, STRAIN at that and shit your pants and give everyone your ass to kiss..THEN knowingly have the shit on him and trail it throughout the house...fresh done hardwood floors and you smearing shit around?
Me or my mother cook a meal to last a few days and he up and decide he's not eating that and request special shit - nigga you know you wouldn't have selection if we put yo ass in Mercy Care...you get your meal of the day and shut that shit up or starve..

Ever since I been back at the family house I've been noticing his lil mannerisms, and he always try to act like he's senile but longer I'm around him - that man knows EXACTLY what he's doing..."like apathy...mocking the people taking care of him knowing we'll continue to do it anyway..."
Makes it worse is he knows my mother - his own daughter is fighting her own battle of sickness yet he feels entitled to make her do a bunch of unnecessary shit for the fuck of it

I understand it is a drastic thing to have to come to grips with feeling fine in your mind but your body doesn't agree...to go from being a workhorse to basically worthless fixture...being ill in general is a hard thing to accept - but I don't feel torturing your family that's trying to help is going make your arm/leg work...its not gonna make your friends love you again...its not gonna turn back the hands of time and make you fucking young again...all it's doing is making you a miserable old bastard that I'm now beginning to resent...My father ignores and refuses to be in the same room as him....And his own daughter is fighting in her mind if he's doing these things on purpose to keep a good outlook on helping him

..I'll keep my mouth closed in respect for the family, I won't haul off and bring a reign of evil on his ass and teach his ass a lesson - but I sure as shit don't have to like it...and I don't...

I swear if I live to be old and I become ill, I'm writing in my will I would like to be euthanized.
I hope my family/husband/children will understand and just value my wishes.
If I am of no use to myself or others, I have no point hanging around taking up space and air...
It sounds harsh but I've witnessed plenty family members slowly deteriorate for the sake of going naturally - it then becomes a burden to the rest of the family to take care of them in their final days...hiring nurses - filing for PCAA support...all sorts of run around shit...
Get me out the way and move on with your lives - I lived mine and I'm no longer a help
...thats just how I feel...

...Perfect Song for Philly Snow Storm '09

...I despise snow, and I have no boo to be snowed in with
but its still the perfect song for the current situation...

...Christmas Miracle

I'm not a very religious person....but this is deep...

...Best Song EVER

Now we should all know the original...Bitches Ain't Shit...

...classic shit - I know

...but Ben Folds has changed my life. With singing this song....I have fully recognized...Bitches really aren't shit lol

...Random Songz Double Feature

...now I know Snoop has far more important and classic songs than these.....but you can't tell me they're not thee shit....


I'm Through Witchu
...don't hit her...just shake that hoe...

or my uber fav...
Fresh Pair of Panties

..I've got to know, or you can show....me...

...Fav. Song of The Moment

Alot of people are shocked to realize they actually like this song....but I adore it

..I like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns sloooowwlllyyyyy, its hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep - cause everything is never as it seems...

Fireflies - Owl City

...Alice In Wonderland

A link posted by Blunted on Twitter who also has a dope BLOG

..its basically a beat/tune made with some sound bites from the movie Alice and Wonderland...
Its by a Youtube user FAGOTTRON
He's done a few other ones, so if yu hit the link you can check it all out, but I've decided my fav is the Alice jawn...
...I don't care what you think - this shits hot...

...How You Like That

The Vatican has just recently released an official music playlist selected by the Pope himself. Among the selections were music by Mozart, Muse, and Tupac Shakur
Changes

...Sigh...

...Happy Belated Turkey Day - hope all went well. I cooked majority of the dinner this year...nobody died so I believe I did a good job [ Fried & Rotisserie turkey, stuffing, mac & cheese, fish stew, sweet potato pie, green beans...I forget the rest...]

I think because it's the end of the year shits trying to get they finally hits in...people are fucking with me more than usual, testing my patience and kindness...probably even trying to get me fired...but I can't let them get to me...whatever is meant to be will be...I will prevail regardless, even if I fall to the bottom I won't stay there long...I'm destined for greater...

Not all is terrible...

I've made acquaintance with a few people I believe could be considered friends...
Knowing how hard it can be to try to get to and become close to me - I find that a major achievement for myself and those individuals...hopefully they will be a blessing to my life and I to theirs...

Christmas is coming...but as I've gotten older, holidays don't really excite me much anymore...the time together is always good though...I just have a Charlie Brown approach now I guess. Maybe one day if I have children the thrill will return because of the joy on their faces

I won't take such a long break...long as my internet keeps working....
always gotta have a song...here's a song I like from Diddy & Em...otherwise known as Dirty Money featuring Drake

...loving you no more..I just - I can't - I just can't be loving you no more...I love you more than I love myself
[Hurt - Dirty Money]