Sunday, December 20, 2009

...I'll Kick An Old Person For Disrespecting Me

...unfortunately this old person is my Grand Father and I've got to have respect for him regardless...

It's bullshit to me since respect is supposed to be earned in any other situation why doesn't this rule apply to him?
I tell my family everyday this nigga is being all kinds of spiteful...they say "..leave it alone, don't say anything - he's depressed..."
His depression was brought on by his own stubborn ass need to ignore all the doctors orders, refuse to go to his treatments, and curse out his physical therapist just because "he can - he's old".
Now he has no mobility of his left side, which would've been avoided HAD he complied....its his own fucking fault
He does nothing but stay in the house all day because he pissed off all his friends by not trying to do better after he got sick and then refuses to go to any senior outings to at least get fresh air because "he don't wanna be around all them old people"....muthafuckka YOU old too dog...now he's alone
He is the EPITOME of the old people I swear I'll kick they cane from or trip down some stairs...because they feel since they're old they're entitled to be disrespectful and mean cause they're suffering - fuck that dumb shit

He's blessed to have a family who basically doesn't believe in putting our own in nursing homes and will take care of you by any means necessary. My mother has damn near reconstructed her entire house to make it suitable for him to stay and easy for maintenance in the event he was to make a mess...
...but this nigga just think its fair ground to just seek and destroy new territory...
You have a bucket to spit in...but you'd rather just do it on the floor
You have your own bathroom/adult diapers/utensils in case you can't get up...yet you'd rather purposely sit in the kitchen, STRAIN at that and shit your pants and give everyone your ass to kiss..THEN knowingly have the shit on him and trail it throughout the house...fresh done hardwood floors and you smearing shit around?
Me or my mother cook a meal to last a few days and he up and decide he's not eating that and request special shit - nigga you know you wouldn't have selection if we put yo ass in Mercy Care...you get your meal of the day and shut that shit up or starve..

Ever since I been back at the family house I've been noticing his lil mannerisms, and he always try to act like he's senile but longer I'm around him - that man knows EXACTLY what he's doing..."like apathy...mocking the people taking care of him knowing we'll continue to do it anyway..."
Makes it worse is he knows my mother - his own daughter is fighting her own battle of sickness yet he feels entitled to make her do a bunch of unnecessary shit for the fuck of it

I understand it is a drastic thing to have to come to grips with feeling fine in your mind but your body doesn't agree...to go from being a workhorse to basically worthless fixture...being ill in general is a hard thing to accept - but I don't feel torturing your family that's trying to help is going make your arm/leg work...its not gonna make your friends love you again...its not gonna turn back the hands of time and make you fucking young again...all it's doing is making you a miserable old bastard that I'm now beginning to resent...My father ignores and refuses to be in the same room as him....And his own daughter is fighting in her mind if he's doing these things on purpose to keep a good outlook on helping him

..I'll keep my mouth closed in respect for the family, I won't haul off and bring a reign of evil on his ass and teach his ass a lesson - but I sure as shit don't have to like it...and I don't...

I swear if I live to be old and I become ill, I'm writing in my will I would like to be euthanized.
I hope my family/husband/children will understand and just value my wishes.
If I am of no use to myself or others, I have no point hanging around taking up space and air...
It sounds harsh but I've witnessed plenty family members slowly deteriorate for the sake of going naturally - it then becomes a burden to the rest of the family to take care of them in their final days...hiring nurses - filing for PCAA support...all sorts of run around shit...
Get me out the way and move on with your lives - I lived mine and I'm no longer a help
...thats just how I feel...

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