...Are You Serious?

Reading The Smoking Gun...
...and I wonder...why...?

Add heroin to the scores of products that have been branded with President Barack Obama's name. Cops in upstate New York this week broke up a drug ring that allegedly sold heroin under several brand names, including "Obama." As seen in Sullivan County Sheriff's Office photos, the president's surname was stamped in red ink on small glassine wrappers that were peddled by street dealers. Investigators arrested five suspects for their alleged roles in the narcotics distribution activity. The branding of illicit drugs is a favorite of pushers, who have previously sold bin Laden heroin, Harry Potter Ecstasy, bricks of Teletubbies cocaine, and green-tinted crack in recognition of St. Patrick's Day.

Then I get ready to check my Yahoo email, and just shake my head...

LONDON (AFP) - A British man who murdered his wife after becoming enraged when she changed her relationship status on Facebook to "single" was jailed for at least 18 years late Thursday.

Edward Richardson, 41, stabbed wife Sarah, 26, to death in a "frenzied and brutal" attack at her parents' home in Biddulph, central England, last May after she altered her profile on the Internet social networking site.

The couple had been living apart since the previous month, said Fiona Cortese, a spokeswoman for the Crown Prosecution Service, which is responsible for prosecuting cases in England and Wales.

"Richardson became enraged when Sarah changed her marital status on Facebook to single and decided to go and see her as she was not responding to his (text) messages," Cortese said.

"He gained entry by breaking the front door window and made his way into the property.

"Once inside, he found Sarah in her bedroom and subjected her to a frenzied and brutal attack with a knife and then attempted to take his own life."

Sarah Richardson's parents Beryl and Alan Boote said they were left "devastated" by her murder after the verdict at Stafford Crown Court, central England.

"We hope that Richardson will be an old man before he's ever allowed out of prison," they said.

Detective Inspector Andy Wall, who worked on the case, added: "She had decided that her marriage to Edward Richardson was over but this was clearly something he could not accept."

Then reading MediaTakeOut I see a sign for Black ENGINEERS becomes...



...If you never thought so before, I know you gotta believe....people are fuckin DEEP!!!

Oh well, I'm just happy I finished my homework and can read this crazy shit.
Off to the gym and whatever random shit I allow my SOBER ass to do
...all who know me should be proud for the maximized word :)
-Ashley

...My Flippin Eye Candy

Before I show him...Apparently...Lil Kim is STILL unhappy about the movie "Notorious" and how she was portrayed.

She also feels that the person who should've played her was.....wait for it...
...Christina Milian....
...pause...WTF!?!...

Anyway...My Eye Candy :)

Profile it for em

Sophisticated Off-Guard Sexy

Cousin Jeff from BET
Don't even front on that man either. He's handsome, educated, and very well spoken...I don't know him personally to make any bad statements about him so - what more could you ask for?
Don't matter...I like it
-Ashley

...Why So Serious?

Dead or Alive...he's sexy
April 4, 1979 - January 22, 2008

...I Can't Feel My Face

because it's frozen!!!...

I've been outdoors since Saturday... screaming at the top of my lungs, talking to random ass people from different states and countries, dancing, laughing and celebrating the Inauguration of Obama.

I was a lucky individual to have been able to attend Jay-Z & Jeezy's party on Saturday, the concert at the Lincoln Memorial on Sunday [I saw Beyonce in real life man!!!], roaming around D.C. all day Monday, then witnessing first hand Obama being sworn in (I put something in the air for him, I'm sure he felt it from afar while at the luncheon) and also go to see him and Michelle dance together at the Ibiza ball :)...it was like the 6th time they danced but it doesn't matter!!! The point is I saw my husband in real life.
...I also saw my nemesis Rihanna there as well, but who cares about her manufactured ass. If she wasn't foreign with Jay-Z hiring awesome song writers and dating Chris Brown she'd be nothing!!!....but I digress

...Anyway, I'm sleepy as hell now since right after we saw Barack we left to head back home. Got home bout 4am and woke up again at 630.....work sucks!!!!!

All in all, even with the unspoken drama of security guards, a few unruly minorities, and some crunk to the thousandth level white folks [they were funny actually...]
...I'm just glad to have even been there for a firsthand account and birds eye visual of my husband, to feel like I was sooo apart of history, and be able to tell anyone who will listen in later years about what happened.

Now all I know is, Barack better not turn out to be the Anti-Christ or a puppet for "The Man." Although this is a BIG milestone, this is also STILL America...things aren't always what they appear to be and can easily be a big ass governement setup - I'd hate to of been bamboozled to the millionth power...
To stay positive, I'm just gonna enjoy what I saw and know so far...and as of right now...I think I like America today
...now lets watch the first 100 days...

...He Had A Dream

Today's not only a day off, it's also a day of reflection and community service.
Make sure you go do a good deed for a family member or a neighbor. Volunteer to feed the homeless or something. Just do something to shine some light into someone else's life.
It's reflection because this mans dream will be publicly recognized tomorrow for the Inauguration that I'm sooooo attending and have been at the events since Saturday :) We may still feel like there's something always holding us back, but we've come a longggg way.
Like most do every MLK Day, here's his speech
-Ashley

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "For Whites Only". We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

..."But, I'm An Artist Sir..."

It's funny when celebs think they're above the law. It's even funnier when they get caught outright an try to use their celebrity to get them out of trouble. ESPECIALLY when you're a joke like Yung Berg...

...Fav Song Of The Moment

Ok, so I'm right back like I left something.
I actually never left, but....whatever.....

Anywayzzzzz...My OTHER fav of the moment is a classic from a classic group of talented musicians. If you've never heard of them you live in the core of the earth with the dinosaurs and the rest of the losers.

It's an awesome song...I could never get sick of hearing it, and when I listen to it after not hearing it for a long period of time it just makes me smile...no reason, just does.
Enjoy Mint Condition's 'You Send Me Swinging'

...Fav Song Of The Moment

This isn't raw undiscovered talent..but its some shit that's not on the radio. She's got a number of songs but this one is stuck in my head. If you haven't already checked the myspace get a taste of Dawn Richards (from Danity Kane) on some solo ish, called 'Release Me'

..."Hustle Now, Relax Later"

School just started Monday. I take an online class and an in house class with some early morning labs...sounds easy right?

Add on a full time day time job, and two 'by appointment' part time jobs [one up from last semester] it actually can get pretty hectic...more than I anticipated when I piled it all on. There's plenty of people who have a lot more to take on, but this is mine and its already seeming crazy after a few days. I'll get used to it - of course, just now its like..."OMG leave me alone already!!!!"

I got people I need to call or call back but I can't do it while at work because they're probably at work or class as well or its busy...same for when I'm in class. [..Probably explains why I became so fond of texting..] But I luv them tho, and its the thought that counts - right? Lol

Then I get home at like 11 with a whirlwind of things to do and not much time to do it since I must wake up again by 6 or 730 to start the day again ....blah to it all!

Yea, I'm bitching...so what. I'll just be happy when this becomes more routine than a run around and I'll get to have a life outside of work & school again. I also keep up with going to the gym atleast 2 or 3 times a week usually on M,W, & weekends.

This time next month I'll have this in the bag and I'll be back to roaming the streets and reeking havoc on all unsuspecting locations and individuals all while finishing my work :) I'm hoping I can maintain an A and make a deal to pass out of my class early like last semester...that would rule

...The hustle is crazy, but somebody's gotta do it. Can't make money sitting still...
-Ashley

...Who's Gonna Be My Best Friend?

Every individual has their own perception of what love is, how it 'should' go, and how it should end. Whether it be extremely fairy tale motivated or a big dark cloud of negativity.

I'm personally not really big on 'love' per say, not in a 'love hater' sense, but because it seems more like a mandatory commercialized thing rather than a genuine feeling. Hallmark and novelty stores make a KILLING of love. People stay throwing it around like trash and candy for manipulation purposes, you can't even decide if you believe them or not. Everyone is an 'expert' on it, but check how many times they've been married and 'in love'....doesn't add up.

Anyway, someone who had the same thought after years of experience was the late great Bernie Mac. Something he said in the Phila. Daily News outweighed every fairytale, ideal, and myth of love I ever heard and gave me the realistic outlook I want and agree with:

"You know, love don't mean nothing. Really. I'm not a fan of love. People fall in and out of love everyday. Let the lights go off and see how much they love you. Don't let anything be on that table at 5 and see how much she loves you. Let that car keep breaking down...and see how much she loves you. I really believe out of 27 years of being with my wife that we went through that transition that we like each other. And I think that's the most important thing. I TRULY like her. She's my friend, you know, and I wouldn't trade her for NOTHING in the world..."

...couldn't of said it any better. To me THAT right there is Love...
-Ashley

...Damn Beyonce Can't Catch A Break

According to one top economist, Beyonce Knowles is responsible for global recession. Here’s how it’s being reported in a UK newspaper:

Beyoncé's worldwide hit, Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It), is not just catchy – it may spell doom for international finance

According to findings by Phil Maymin, professor of finance and risk engineering at New York University, the more regular the beat on Billboard's top singles, the more volatile the American markets. After studying decades of Billboard's Hot 100 hits, Maymin found that songs with low "beat variance" had an inverse correlation with market turbulence. Which is to say, the more regular the song, the crazier the stock market

And Single Ladies is very regular.

"If it's a steady beat, the same beat, no matter if it's fast or slow, that's a low beat variance song," Maymin explained to PRI Radio. These are the songs that signal market volatility. "[But] if [the song] starts off slow and becomes fast and comes back down, that's a high beat variance." And it means the markets will be steady.

Some of history's steadiest hits – such as A-Ha's Take On Me – were released at times of market crash. Whereas complex songs, "with all these beat changes and stuff", seem to catch on when the markets are sedate.

"The correlation is pretty strong," Maymin argued. Weirder still, the beat variance of songs seems to predict the markets - not the other way around. According to his research, the market becomes unstable only after the charts are full of steady tunes - almost as if certain hits can cause market shake-ups.

Wow...Beyonce is the end of the world now?

...I Graduated High School Almost 5 Years Ago

......so why at work does it feel like I'm still there?

In an environment full of "adults," why do I feel like the only mature person. It would appear the only thing these people have on me are years and experience. But if this is the behavior rendered from that, they must not of experienced much and those years have been wasted.

What I was always taught is it was ALL about your work: your ethic, how efficiently and quickly you can finish a task, and your consistency in doing so.

Now jobs have morphed into popularity contests with no regard to anyones knowledge, but more so who's ass you can kiss, who has made the most friends and you gain recognition & status by those standards...kinda sorta like high school.

The cool kids would be upper management and back office while everyone else is just dying to join their club....pffft - please.

I don't get a job to make friends. I get a job because I have to. I need to make money, pay bills, make a life for myself and fit into society's mold for how life should go. If I so happen to find people who have similar interests or I can enjoy joking with while on the clock...cool. If I don't...cool, makes me no difference at all. And since this is just a JOB and not my CAREER...it makes it even less of an issue.

What makes a difference to me is being recognized for a job well done, living up to the expectations you place on others, fufilling the goals that were written agreements, and rightfully moving the proper people into higher positions...
Apparently, I've learned none of that goes on in the workplace.

The ones who do the least amount of work, and hardly have a clue about the job they have now but kiss up the most get all the support in the world, but the ones who focus and do their work, learn all they can about their position and execute it with precision everytime but have no desire to have a brown spot on their nose gets overlooked.

I hear some people say that sometimes its needed, but personally nothing is that great I'd lower myself to make you feel superior just because you got some gay ass title you made up.

With my experience with this one current job, it's slowly teaching me even more to not let people get to me...never let them sense they're getting to me - never let em see you sweat. I have a bad problem with my facial expressions which is a dead giveaway, I've gotten better at keeping my mouth shut when I have an attitude though.

By talking to my dad who is my guru to help me calm down he helped me realize, this isn't the last time this is going to come about, and everytime it does I just have to let it roll of my back. Take it as a sign that it wasn't meant for me to have and move on. Notice that the person they're pushing for a position who probably isn't as qualified will get themselves fired for not being able to handle the position and be able to say "I told you so."
To recognize that you won't elevate in this particular place because your destiny is greater than anything this place could ever offer.

I refuse to be this organizations victim - especially when iit isn't what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. I will not let them stress me out with their petty bullshit when I have enough on my plate. I'll continue to look out for my number one which is ME. What I will take from this place are a few life lessons that I will put into action for the better in my next endeavor.

You won't trip me up that easy. As the years pass shit happens and I'm truly gonna learn from it. I refuse to fail...and I will never, I will never, I will never FALL!!

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

I'm just up before I catch a little sleep then head off to the gym later
...jamming my ass off to some dusties [oldies for the slow people]
It's the music that always hits the spot and says exactly what you want to at the right moment

...a bonus track is included thanks to the youtube video called "I Think You Need Love"
But I'm grooving to the first one...
...Hmmm - You're Gonna Want Me Back...
-Ashley

...I Like Salt With My Crackers

Paul Mooney is the greatest. He says whatever the eff he wants and no matter what it's funny.
Bran is chilling having me on a Youtube kick with him after our snow adventure to SONIC!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pure awesomeness. Now watch this video then google Paul Mooney and update your life
-Ashley

...I Got High And Went To IHOP

It was munchie heaven last night with my best friend and we cleaned those plates man!!!!
But there was a dark cloud floating over it because we were just reassured Niggaz Ain't Shit!!!!!

Her off and on boyfriend of 5 years....I repeat 5 YEARS, up and tells her he's getting married....and they just hung out 2 days prior and been seeing each other and he was confessing his love for her the whole time! The next stab in the heart is, he's marrying some broad he's only known for a couple months....WTF man?!

It's the same sad song: She was there from the start when he first went to school and was parking cars, she was there during his evolution from big nigga that raps to the built man who teaches, they went through a lot together and always stuck through it and he throws that away like it meant nothing and she was just his starter bitch....now that's fucked up

...and then males have the nerve to say Females are crazy...when THEY are the reason we are!

Everything we do is wrong or not enough. We constantly have to compete against other broads because ya'll ALWAYS think the grass is greener on another side. It's like males are never satisfied even if the female they're with wants them so bad they bust they ass to do any and everything for them, puts up with all their bullshit, and accepts them for all they are yet never receiving the same treatment.

Apparently, from the trends I notice with friends and listening to guys talk and personal experience...all guys want to do is cap girls heads up then break their hearts for their own selfish reasons, leaving the girl who probably truly loved and cared for you crying for hours in the dark listening to depressing music.

Are males really that self-centered?
Did all the compliments ya momma told you really mess your head up to make you truly believe you're God's gift to the world?
I know not all, but most are giving all a bad name or the 'good ones' are turning into assholes as well.

THEN ya'll get mad if a girl does ya'll the same way, and we're called all kinds of bitches, hoes, ungrateful tricks..etc...Then say the whole thing was OUR fault.

Now I will NEVER say all females are poor innocent beings because yes we're just as brutal, sneaky, and vindictive as males, but do you have to treat all females like shit?

Why can't everybody just be completely HONEST?!...that's the magic word.
Why 'run game' when you can just get to know the person? Why cap a girls head up with stuff you don't mean? Why waste time on a girl you don't want but string her along for the hell of it?

Why can't we as humans realize we ALL have feelings, we're not merely objects of your entertainment. Life has turned into a giant game of lies, and revenge. Guys play games do girls wrong so Girls start playing games doing guys wrong and now we're seemingly stuck in some big ass retarted cycle that nobody can get out of....ugh

Wait, what's that line niggaz used to always say "...don't hate the player, hate the game"....No I just hate you - fuck outta here

...Standing Still Means Going Backwards

I joined a gym...kinda
My co-worker made a New Year's resolution that she was gonna lose 50lbs (not really but set high goals!).
A new gym just opened in the area and with the membership she got you can bring a guest for free as much as you want...and guess who's going for support :)

I don't even really wanna lose weight, cause I don't want to get all extra skinny - I just want to get toned, be in shape, and have a killer stomach. Maybe I can get myself back to the days when I ran track...that would rule - majorly

It could also help with my resolutions...oh wait, never said what they were:
***get out of my current comfort zone [[always gotta elevate!!]]
***get rid of prospects from '08 [[new year, new outlook, new men]]
***say yes more often [[never know what else I can get myself into if I say yes more often]]
***try to snap out of my 'nigga' phase [[it's gonna be a tough journey being girly & emotional again but I gotta get out of this extreme and find a middle ground]]
***quit smoking [[until I get a new job or maybe for good...we'll see how it goes]]
***continue saving money [[I'm either buying a house within the next yr or moving out of state again when I finish school]]

...that's all I can remember off top, just a bunch of goals to work on.

But anyway, to curb the smoking and release frustration- I can go work out and burn all the extra energy and some calories while I'm at it...sounds good right?

We went yesterday for like an hour n a half, and it was actually really refreshing. Yea it hurt alil while I was doing it and I know I'm sooo out of shape, but I was just proud of myself for being able to complete it without stopping.

We're going again today for 2 hours or so and we're gonna figure out a schedule so we go atleast 2 or 3 times during the week, in between the real world and Sixers games. I'm not allowed to quit or she'll kick my ass

I'm trying really hard to change myself for the better - for MYSELF and no one else. I evaluated myself and made this decision alone. I'm going to continuously give myself goals and work on things until I feel I've made a self-improvement & have accomplished things that helped me make my mark, be a great person & I feel could be proudly noted in my obituary...I know, that's kinda morbid - but it's something to think about.

Seriously...if you died today and someone wrote your obituary, what things do you think they would write? What impact do you think you had on their life that will be missed in your absence? What do you think they'd SAY about you during the service...shit who do you think will even show up?
...stuff to ponder on man

...I'm gonna attempt to stop slacking off at work now...
-Ashley

...Fav Song Of The Moment

I was watching 'The Game' on the CW awhile back. It was the episode when Derwin and Melanie like broke up for good the first time, I believe...and Derwin was a complete wreck.
As the show is ending and they begin to set us up for the dramatic ending with him being emotional, a song started to play in the background and I've been in love with it since - even when all I knew were the couple words I later found out to be the title....

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part...."
John Mayer...enjoy
-Ashley

...Fav Song Of The Moment

...sooo I'm late as hell, but I usually am when it comes to whole CD's [unless its an all time fav]. I'm JUST NOW listening to Ne-Yo's "Year of the Gentleman" and I now have a new song to love. My friend at work kept singing one part, so he just brought the CD in and played it and I haven't stopped listening to it atleast once a day...guess I can relate on both sides, the downer and the ''lifes too short to cry, lets go out" person. My song of the moment "So You Can Cry"...enjoy
-Ashley

...So I'm At Work Thinking

[My internet ban didn't get lifted, but like everything else I figured out how to do it from my phone and if need be I'll edit it later.]

Anyway, I had a random thought. While being nosey, I noticed one of my associates and her best friend playing but seriously talking of how she has NEVER met her boyfriend, and they've been dating for awhile, gone on trips, celebrated a couple NYE...all that.

I know from my own habits, I keep all things in their respective sections: Friends, Males, and Associates. None of them blend together unless I allow it or it's out of my hands.

Family automatically meets anyone I consider my friend. Males only come home or better yet find out where I live if they're in the friend category or I believe they're worth introducing, but they never meet my friends anytime before that or maybe even after...depends on how I feel or it plays out. Associates aren't important because they're more so "Hi/Bye...see you while I'm out" people so they get nothing.

Now I don't hang with many females but the ones I knew always flaunted they 'catch of the week' everywhere or atleast introduced them. Now it seems boyfriends being mystery men is a common practice? With the trends over the years, it could be very understandable if said female was a victim of fake friends, or an unnecessary break up because of the meddling of outside people and any spectrum of reasons that caused a problem. It could even be an inner thought of it being a jinx to introduce the person until you know for a fact they're someone you want/who will stick around.


My reasoning?....I don't trust anyone - period. I can count on one hand the people I call my friends & the non-family members that REALLY know where I lay my head at night. In order to get that far you gotta get through me and not many survive - so why go through all that trouble if they'll probably be gone by the next month or so? I also dont want people knowing about me and my whereabouts for everyones protection drawn from past experiences. I like to be off the radar as much as possible.

But just a thought, that just got me through my lunch period. Now I unfortunately must return to the site of my employment....
-Ashley

...Confessions Of A Commitmentphobe Part 2

The Confessions of a Commitmentphobe

The Battle between The Mind and The Heart

…I like him

I mean REALLY like him…

He even told me that he loved me and could see us getting married in the future

You know what? – I love him too

Wait?! – I love him?!!!

No, stop this madness right the fuck now

You can’t do this! We’ve been down this road one too many times and it never ends pretty.

Besides, if you admit you love him back, then you’ll be trapped for sure.

But he’s a nice guy. So far we’re doing well. We have our problems, but who doesn’t?

I believe this could be the one that sticks around. We get along great, we talk about any and everything, he’s just like me humor-wise, the sex is amazing, and I truly like being around him.

PFFT! Yea bitch for now! Give him another month after you admit your feelings – the beginning stages of psycho male will begin. Give him 6 months and that beast will be alive and well. Marry him? – Then you’ll just be psycho’s trophy piece while he bangs the secretary, his new female mechanic, YOUR hair stylist, and the first lady of the local church – and DARE you to speak of it or leave him because of that!

I can’t believe all men are the same though, that just heightens my paranoia…

Maybe being paranoid isn’t a bad thing. That just means you’re cautious…but right now you’re slipping.

You’re letting everything he says & beautiful imaginary plans for the future sound like gospel and forming him into your heaven on Earth. You need to snap out of it and float your happy ass back down to reality. Being in love clouds your judgment and we’re NOT going down this route without clear precise thoughts and actions. I’m making sure you look out for #1 which is you – not him. I bet you haven’t even though about what you’d have to change just to appease him since that subject probably hasn’t come up yet. You ain’t even noticed that your friends haven’t called in a week and a half and you blew off going to your Big Sister function for him and you don’t miss seeing those girls or your friends for ANYBODY.

That’s not his fault…

No, it’s yours for putting HIM before YOU. You already have a life and so should he. You should compliment each others lives, not change them – and that’s what starts the problems.

But we’re fine with how things are…

Are you really? So far it’s only been one thing & one week, soon it’ll turn into a year or more and all you’ll be left with is him and your job – if he doesn’t make you lose that too

It’s not even that drastic! You just went from being blindly in love to a prisoner in isolation with no means. Ok, I missed the function – he planned a surprise evening for us and after all that, I couldn’t just say no! I’m returning to the meetings this week FYI. You can’t judge this whole relationship on a few slip ups.

A few things become everything. It’s a snowball effect! Have you even been home lately? I think your dog is starving and dehydrated. Keep playing these games with our lives with you’re fucked up judgment and we’ll end up right back where we started: An emotionally drained wreck – all alone

2BContd...

...Very Young Girls

...was watching a docu/movie
We talk so much about the problems with people overseas, but we seem to either ignore or sugar coat them when they happen here. Underage girls disappear all the time, but when you can't find them who does?...
The one who picks them up and tells them everything they want to hear, and in exchange for the planned linguistics they sell their souls. Just scribbled while watching it to free my mind from my reality, and this was the on going theme I got from it...I'm off to smoke a blunt
Oh yeah, once this month is over - I quit smoking until I get another job...wish me luck
-Ashley

I can't do this...
But I love him
...No one understands
He found me when I had nothing, treated me like family...with love
For a moment I found happiness...now I'm tired of pleasing everyone else
I'm just not feeling it anymore
I wanna leave so bad - but I can't do that to him
I'm the one he's going to make a life with once we make this money it's all set!
but I'll never see it...
Soon as I make the money he takes it
...now I'm ready to run away
Be on my own for once
But he'll find me, he knows where I am without me speaking
Press charges? Please - I'll be dead within the hour
I gotta make a choice but I can't let my man down
You just don't see how he treats me at home...it's love
This ain't the life I need so I gotta escape somehow
I'll move far away, change my name start anew
Hope for the best and prepare for the worse
Shit, even if I leave I'll just fall into the same life
It's all I know - been that way since I was younger
...since he found me
With years in this game its hard to get out of you
I will change, trust and believe - I NEED to
But my home is with him, I'll regret it all he says
Am I brainwashed? I'm dazed and confused
How can what he say be right - when it ain't even true
I've gone to jail for this man and wouldn't even post my bail
Got my ass kicked by some stranger and told me to laugh it off
After all the money I've given him I shouldn't have to go through this!
We should be free to live the life promised me!!!
He loves me though, he tells me all the time
Besides he wouldn't keep me around if I wasn't number one in his life
Yea, he hit me but I brought it on myself
I shouldn't of questioned his judgement or his motives after all he's done for me
I'd be homeless, hungry or dead without him
but I'm soulless, starved for attention and dead to the world with him
my body is no longer mines and my emotions will never recover
I'm being mentally, physically, and emotionally abused constantly
...but i love him - you just dont understand
I'll leave him one day....

...Family Quality Time

I'm sitting here...TRYING to enjoy my Sunday chill time, when I'm bombarded with phone calls to pick people up, go to the grocery store and the news my 'wonderful' cousin and aunt were coming by. I'm now stuck right in between a drunk and disorderly and my rainbow loving ass cousin.
-serious face-

I'm like reporting live, because at this VERY moment, one is sitting right in my ear snoring his happy ass off:Miss Skittles

...While the other drunk ass is running around the house begging me to take her to Delaware:

Aunt Charlotte

...ugh.
I love my family but the New Year is NOT going to be filled with they asses messing up my comfort zone!
I have effin spoken
Indeed
-Ashley

...LisaRaye Don't Play

anything she does, she's getting paid - one way or another
...I think she's my hero...lol
-Ashley

...High Times Vol. 5

High Times
Vol. 6
1/2/2009

Today's Topic: True Beings...

While inhaling herb...I came to the revelation that...
It's so much easier to snag guys with girlfriends already than it is to bag a single one.
While hanging with the one who is "taken", it's already known that he has the girlfriend or he just doesn't want you - period
So you both are kinda free to just be yourselves...no pressure, no flirting...just basic fun chilling.
But then of course you then actually get to know each other and begin to realize or better yet HE begins to realize YOU'RE his type of person. You burp, fight, and all those good things that can get you both through a regular day of doing nothing.
You're exactly what he enjoys and soon he starts to question who he'd rather spend time with more...you or her...?
You're now the thrilling mystery that he'd spend hours trying to figure out as opposed to the same thing he's put up with for years...
I'm not saying start a home wrecking brigade...just noticed...
...things flow better when you're not wasting time trying to impress each other - that way your true beings can be seen...


If only things could work out that plain & simple
What the fuck....what the fuck...

Oh yeah - Happy New Year Bitches...

...Can't Effin Sleep - UGH

Up late because I slept in and drank coffee [yea...it's my own fukin fault...whatever]
Watching a Lockdown marathon...episode I saw already was on, and I just rambled in my SK...whatever. Hoping the computer light will lull me to sleep as I type...
-Ashley

Why did you do it?
Why did you leave this way?
I still talk to you often, see your face occasionally - but not as often as I should.
Did you think you were invincible?
...Even Superman has Kryptonite
What thoughts were going through your head?
...Couldn't of been any because that would've meant you were thinking
It's your life no doubt, but it's not just you that's suffering
Nothing could be that great to take your life and throw it away....
Years pass that you'll NEVER get back and the only one to blame is YOU
The judge didn't help you, the guards ain't set you up - it was a decision you obviously made alone.
You could've talked to me, your kids, and your whole family but you robbed us of that time
Now the only way for us to even remember you exist are the collect calls and letters you send
It's your life I understand, Go ahead - Be A Man...but it's not just you that's suffering
If we move on we're wrong, but for years you've been gone
I can take it all in stride, but out here you're not alive
...locked away until further notice in prison...

...My Flippin Eye Candy

All guys always post half nekkid photos of the girls with giant asses or boobs that are "models"...
...so I'm gonna post MY eye candy...whether it be a model, actor, or even a regular person I know or saw...if they catch my eye they come here. My current fav.....Keston Karter :)

Love it!! Google him, get his calendar, find his Myspace...whatever...support the sexy
-Ashley

...Watch Me YUUUUULLLLL!!!!!

Kinda funny... just had to do it

Theee newww souljaaaaa boyyyy dance is soooo siccckkkk..it's as easy as ridin a......


Dick how u feel bout soulja boy's new song?

...enjoy
-Ashley

...Ay Shawty Lemme Holla Atcha

For most females, it's a regular thing for you to walk down the street and at some point some guys may try to talk to you - no big deal. In this documentary they get really into the deeper thoughts of it all...like how we may feel we're constantly being judged or appraised, disrespected by the manner of which males decide to approach us, and even the danger of ignoring or refusing said person. It also shortly speaks on how others notice that our white counterparts don't behave in the same manner and how an outside person could perceive that kind of behavior. I didn't think it was a big deal, but after hearing them talk..kinda made me think...*shrugs*
Here's a Youtube clip of it - I'm off to go shopping and eat P.F. Chang's :)...enjoy
-Ashley

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

People can always hate and have their comparisons...but there are none. They're two different people, but they both sing this song in their own form of utter perfection.
[Ashley Service Announcement: Please, stop comparing people or putting down an entire movement because you so happen to dislike a specific person. The beautiful thing about life is there are choices and options. If there is something you don't like you have the option to listen to it or not. Then you make your choice and be done with it. Follow that and leave the negativity out of it, it'll make things alot better...]
It's been revived because of the movie Cadillac Records - but I've always loved this song. With both versions I'm posting "I'd Rather Go Blind", originally sang by Etta James and resung by Beyonce....enjoy
-Ashley

Etta James:


Beyonce:

...Blogger Won't Let Me Leave Today!!!

I just was forwarded an awesome game...
It helps with hand/eye coordination, and is fun all at the same time
Click the link below to play...I'm sure you'll enjoy
-Ashley

See If You Can Hit The Fool With Your Shoe

...Are You Suffering From BOONDOCKS Withdrawal?

I know I am, but I've been recently watching it's Youtube channel...CRAZY!!!!
I got one of the videos from there on my Christmas post "Happy Birthday Black Jesus"
Click the link below for the channel

Boondocks Bootlegg!!!

MY Favz are the ones with John Witherspoon and Black Jesus...too funny
-Ashley

Watch, Subscribe, Enjoy BITCH!!!

...High Times Vol. 4

Ain't posted one of these in awhile, and one occured same time last year...pure herbal hilarious enlightenment...enjoy
-Ashley

High Times

Vol. 4

Tyk

12/25/2007

Today's Topic: Getting Naked

While inhaling herb...I came to the revelation that...Males are always quick to drop everything when it comes to getting naked. Why the fuck are males that are fat with DDD titties and asses bigger than Buffy's so comfortable with they bodies and some broads aint? Why a male can just walk around shirtless no matter what they size or the weather, but the most free-spirited outspoken female can be the shyest of em all to even wear a two piece.

You know how males be wanting to seduce you, they be pulling at your shirt and then you tell him to stop you'll do it yourself...damn.

So you end up making him work for it..get the shirt off [ah ha forgot the tank top]...get that off - find out you got on 2 tube tops 2 bras with a rubber band on top. Now you get to the pants...[ahhhaa got shorts on, then boyshorts and 3 pairs of underwear]..ok now you cool...

It's crazy we need to appreciate our bodies as much as males appreciate theirs...

To all my weed smoking haters, I do this shit because I like it not because I need to relax because it's one of my everyday hobbies...If you don't like this shit dont read it - or even better dont talk to me...Fuck you......Fuck you

Oh..and Merry Christmas Nukka...From PINKY Nukka!

...Merry Christmas...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!
Christmas was a beautiful day filled with happiness and family togetherness. Again for a holiday...a first in a long time, the only people here were actually family. It was a calm and relaxing day with my family. Just me, my parents, grandparents, and aunt with her husband. Then later on my cousins came around, we put something in the air - watched a movie and ate more food [greedy ass lol]. I received more presents than I ever imagined getting and I'm like ULTRA thankful, especially because the gifts will ALL go to immediate great use :). Saturday I'm going shopping for myself and peoples' gifts and tomorrow I order my bestie Bran's dream shower curtain for her apartment.
Didn't go party tonight like I wanted but I'm going out tomorrow with my cousins to a club, I believe named Plush. Should be fun...and interesting. I'm in a real good mood and I'm gonna work on maintaining this.
Also...never forget the real reason for the season [JESUS fool!] Gotta give the major thanks where it is due...
Happy Birthday Black Jesus!


In honor of the holiday, my favorite Christmas song...


Happy Holidays!!!! :)
-Ashley

...Randomnezzzzz

After much discussion, we finally put our tree up, of course the later we put it up the longer it stays up...so it'll probably be up until mid February. Yesterday I hung out with my Dad, I took him for a few runs and then we all got food for the family. We picked up my Christmas gift [I finally got a real Ipod instead of just the little shuffle] so my computer won't crash on me from all the music I download, and my dad bought me a pair of boots I wanted. We then went to Famous Dave's for the food for the family and just chilled.
I still haven't gone shopping for ANYBODY...but that's because I shop after Christmas. I don't try to get people things I THINK they'll like, I go out with them and get them things I KNOW they like because they just said so. It always works :)

On another note...
With alot of the recent news and headlines, it's really got me thinking. It's snowing in Las Vegas and New Orleans but it's like 60 degrees over here in the middle of December...anyone who has ever read the Bible would know that those are some "telltale" signs of the end of the world. Another one is one that I'd really like for it to NOT be true, but we can never be to sure. The man who has brought the country together in ways we never imagined, could possibly be the Anti-Christ? He's supposed to be a man that we all love and could never think anything wrong of, and the parallels are quite scary...I'm not saying it's definite but it sure as hell something to look out for. In thesee times we can never pretend to b so sure of anything because it can all change in a split second...Just a thought
-Ashley

...I'm Effin Sick!!!

Been sick for the past two weeks...sux
...Couldn't even do anything which drives me insane
But that helped me catch up on some movie time...Divine quality bootlegg of course
I watched Seven Pounds [good movie & message]
Madagascar 2 [funny...but not sure it's for kids]
Eagle Eye [pure madness]
Cadillac Records [I know everyone hates Beyonce for whatever reason...but watch the movie!]


Also found this song...apparently it's going to be FOR Rihanna, but it's NOT her singing on this. It just became my favorite song of the moment...it's called Bitch I'm Special...awesome - right?
...enjoy
-Ashley

...Evaporate

Lying in the grass staring at the clouds, trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Watching them slowly glide by contemplating - why can't I?
Life is the biggest adventure we could ever embark on but it seems like it has so many rules - why can't we just be free?
Free to roam, free to dream, free to love, free to 'be', free help, free care, free food, free land...I mean it's not really OURS anyway...
Who said society had to be this way?
I just wish I could slowly glide by and never wonder why because I'm free...
Free to roam, dream, love, and be as happy as that carefree cloud in the sky knowing there's absolutely nothing wrong with me....

...Vonnie Got Married!!!!!

An earlier post mentioned my wonderful cousin was getting married. It happened October 20. 2008. I was a bridesmaid and it was a fun and beautiful thing. She looked so happy the whole day...she said she'd never smiled so much in one day!! We had the Wedding at Childs Memorial Baptist Church, then the reception was at a small hall down SW round Woodland Ave, then we all went to the after party up North...I forget the clubs name. We actually started partying while we were taking pictures and it kept on until early in the morning. It was really fun and everyone was really cool. Picz tell it better....enjoy
-Ashley

Yea...we're kind of a big deal

They did it!

Kimmie

I know..I'm cheesing - eff you

Yaz

Eb

E$$

He looks so happy

The bride & her children

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

...Not only did I neglect this, but I slacked on my Google/Youtube kick of the day. Since I didn't feel the need to find every bit of info on anyone at the moment, I'm starting another category...hence the title.
Feeling this song very much...and not just because I'm a grown ass Chris Brown groupie [hehe]
No but songs hot - awesome concept...atleast in my opinion - which is the only one that matters here :) ....enjoy
-Ashley

"You say it's Now or Never...I pick NEVER - we can't be together, so calm down..."

...Confessions Of A Commitmentphobe

I was thinking long and hard about myself. I noticed in the past couple of years I've kept all prospects at arms length even if people on the outside noticed the chemistry or atleast that my current showed an interest in me. It was then after speaking with a few friends I declared that I possibly turned into a commitmentphobe. As life goes you try things, they don't always work, and sometimes you get hurt - but sometimes some wounds don't heal as quickly as others or they open other wounds that you may not have fuly dealt with from the past as far back as childhood. Then after googling it and seeing it's really a phobia I came up with this 3 part series as a creative way to kind of get the emotion out and also help me cope and move on, because if not I'll stay in the same vicious cycle...C.O.C. part one...enjoy...

Arachnophobia? [scared of spiders] – Nope
Acrophobia? [scared of heights] – Not at all
Anthrophobia? [scared of people] – NEVER
Coulrophobia [scared of clowns] – Ok, maybe a little
But my phobia is commitment.
Sounds crazy right?
Normally you’d believe females LIVE for commitment and only dread NEVER finding it
…Not me
My brain seems to translate commitment into the ghosts of relationships past, the visual of present unhappy souls, and the terror of the future if one sudden decision is made.
It’s synonymous to settling
Settling equals death
Death equals a routine falling into place, and life as you KNEW it – is over
It’s that unsettling feeling of what will be given up in order for this partnership to sustain and fear it would be all for nothing.
Come on, people can barely stick with a hair color or a pair of shoes, much less another person – especially when there’s so much variety out there
Marriage & Stability all sounds grand
Who would deny “true love” and a pretty ring on their hand?
Everyone in the world has a soul mate – right?
The promises of lifetime devotion, affection and happiness – what more could you ask for?!
But if that’s broken, what happens next…?
Am I just destined to continue to give my all just to watch it crumble beneath me?
I’ve rearranged my name, my ways – shit my whole life
I’ve listened to the pretty words and felt the tender touch, only to find out he bailed to see if the grass was greener with a cheap thrill or regardless of how much time and effort I put in, it’s never enough…
The nerve of that ungrateful son of a bitch!
…and Reversal is a motherfucker!
All that time invested, now to start anew…again
Trial & error is how we figure out what works best
It’s also the easiest route to grey hairs and stress
Apparently I see “LOVE” is just a fly-by-night emotion
Dedication seems to be only for the older generation – and even they’re slipping
I’m tired of having my heart ripped out
I don’t want to constantly have nagging feelings of frustration, distrust and confusion.
I’m terrified that the only results will be yet another sad and painful story
I don’t have the strength for it…
If I could actually encounter a person who is genuinely honest and not full of shit, this probably wouldn’t exist.
Stop feeding me poetic lines with no substance. Don’t tell me things you think I want to hear. I don’t even want you to tell me I look nice when I obviously look wrecked, because even little white lies can turn into a whale story in 10 seconds flat.
When I was younger I did dream of one day having the whole family ordeal
Now it’s just a painful conclusion that a similar real life situation is either a bad decision with permanent ramifications or a fleeting ideal from the Medieval days….
2BCont

...The Catch Up

Ok...
Summer is gone and apparently - so is fall. Obviously that also means November has passed and we have a new president...my ideal husband BARACK HUSEEIN OBAMA!!!!

Our First Family

BALLIN!!!

Never before did I pay such close attention to a candidate. Of course in the beginning the intrigue began when I realized a person of African American descent was really running and it wasn't Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson. With the initial intrigue came the trance he would literally put you in while he so eloquently spoke of change and regulations with the swagger smoother than a well-seasoned pimp talking a girl onto a corner. EVERY time he spoke I listened and learned something. I even believe I'm smarter just from listening to him. With his historic win I'm overjoyed and I'm ready to see how he will attempt to handle the GINORMOUS mess G.W. Bush left for him to clean up. I also truly hope that with the state of the country today, and personally speaking for my city with all the senseless violence, school drop outs, mobs of uneducated drug dealers, wannabe rappers and any other male falling into all of the general stereotypes - they can look at Obama and want something more out of life beecause there's living proof that it's attainable. Young people and families are now really hearing their children if they say they want to be the President. Yes We Can became Yes We Did. Now there's no excuse about the man because now "The Man" is one of us.

Christmas is about a week away which is pretty cool to say the least, and of course the week after will be New Years :) Not exactly sure what I'll be doing...probably hanging with my Neumann homies in DE w/ Tyk. Next year though, I know for sure I'll be celebrating in a whole new venue. I may actually go to the ball my aunt and parents go to. It's this big executive thing that could cost up to $500 a ticket...Everyone is dressed up real nice, open bar and buffet....swanky.


With my internet ban still in effect (not like they were ever going to uplift it) my search to find something to preoccupy my mind has ended. I now just WRITE - I know real epiphany huh. I occasionally write pieces but I'd only really have the urge when I'm either really angry or upset. With all of my free time on the job it gives me time to just think on alot of things, and with the thought process comes my writings. Anything inspires me now - a question someone asked me the day before, even a random thought derived from a song I was listening to. I also now kind of write what I'm thinking or how I feel in a more literary sense as to put more depth into that moment instead of just writing a run down of what happened/made me mad/etc...
...Speaking of New Year's...I've decided on a resolution. Normally every year I say the same one [lose weight/exercise] but never follow through. As of now I know I don't have the determination or motivation to do it, and I'm not a bad size as it is so for now I'm no longer going to stress over that. My new resolution will be to say YES to everything. I got the inspiration from the movie of the similar name "YES Man", and I actually find it to be a good idea. You never know where life can take you if you say no to the opportunities that could arise if you just say yes to something. I know I'm good for being slightly paranoid or should I say suspicious of people and their motives and I'll say no before I even know what their asking...so I'd like to change that. I was helping my co-worker with an english project and one of the topics were to write your own obituary, and when I started to write I didn't feel I had enough highlights to put in it to show what kind of mark I left on the Earth, and in peoples lives - so I gotta change...take more risks, and worry less about the consequences of my actions unless it's of a malicious nature [of course if they deserve it then its sooooo necessary]. Soooo...yea...that's my thoughts on that
Well, I'm really going to update this more often so that I can post more things and just keep it updated without having to do these catch up posts that can last 4everrrr.
I'll be back with something :)
-Ashley

...The Rant

I’m tired…
I work hard everyday – just like everyone else
I don’t ask questions, I just do it.
Money, Independence, & Success are my motivations
My motto: ‘Hustle Now To Chill Later…’
…Inspirational - right?
When I explain these things I get acclaim of determination
“You won’t have time for anything,” is all I hear though…
…Didn’t I just state my goals in the beginning?
I’d love to have leisure time – but where would that take me?
An idle mind breeds trouble and idle hands wage war
So am I to be blacklisted for keeping busy?

I’m tired…
I’m human – just like everyone else
I’m imperfect in every way imaginable, but that’s me.
Love, Happiness, & Stability are my motivations
My motto: ‘If It Makes You Happy, It Makes Me Happier…’
…Sounds great - right?
When I say that, a smile that could illuminate the sky appears
“You won’t have time for me,” is all I hear though…
…Didn’t you just say you understood and respected my hustle?
I’d give my last because I thought of you first – but where did that leave us?
An idle heart could turn cold if you let it, and a cold heart can wage wars
So am I to be neglected because I’m driven?

Since I’m not around you bitch, but if I was always there you’d be quick to ask
“What are you doing with your life…?”
I’m not idle or stirring trouble, I’m getting my life in order
…but I’m getting criticized from all corners
What do you want from me?! – You know what…I don’t care
All I know is, I’ll be damned if I’m always at fault
I’m Fucking Focused – deal with it
…Man…I’m just tired

...Such The Slacker

Ok so I got some catching up to do....

So I've kinda been banned from the internet at work. Basically all I can really do is put my hours in, check the work website, and all work related things...I Can't Even GOOGLE!!! So work has become even worse in the boring factor...but it's all good.

Now since June...

I spoke with random people from the past again (Winchell)

Got rid of other people after a year and some change (Ghana)

And ignored others just for the hell of it (Cali)

Then my birthday came :)

I had a little gathering at my house, then went to my cousins tattoo party.

Then Me & Tyk went to Rehobeth Beach which was awesome. An evil wave smacked us and broke my camera (but I got a replacement - no prob). I had lots of food, liquor, and my herbal medication. And the important thing i didn't have was DRAMA :)

I was the subject of a $500 bet, that I would become someone's girlfriend...but I shut that down long before I knew of it HA!

Out of nowhere I found another person from the past who now plays basketball overseas which is very awesome

A REAL out of the blue is a random old object of class distraction from XULA

...but I'm not complaining at all

Now it's August..summer is basically over. Tomorrow the family is going to Ocean City (MD) for the weekend for Daddy's birthday which should be awesome as well.

Oh yea, I also took more photos with a new photographer named Don. He's supposed to have shot with Caridee, Jaslene, etc...I didn't really care about the name drops though - I just wanted cute picz :)

Life has been pretty interesting...but for the most part normal and boring. I wonder what the fall season has instore for me because this summer in one word has been INTERESTING...indeed

-Ashley