...It Still Hurts

On a personal note...

Today, more than usual, I've been thinking about my Grammy & Aunt Joyce...mainly my Grammy. This morning 'Yesterday' sung by Mary Mary came on my ipod on my way to work *tear, which was one of my Aunt Joyce's favorite songs and it just made me think of my Grammy in general.
I miss my Aunt Joyce more & more each day I look at my hair. She's the only hairdresser I know and I never thought my life would be this upside down without her here.
In my Grammy's final years I know I distanced myself from her because I hated seeing the state she was in because of her disease, but desperately I miss being around her & just being able to know that she is there even if she didn't know who I was (although she never forgot me, she just wouldn't recognize me or call me by my mother's name & my mother by my name). I still can't stop calling the house she lived in hers even though she's not there. I can't accept the fact that they're going to sell the house and some other family is going to live where I grew up and where she took her last breath. Death has come into my life on a few occasions but this one has hurt me the most.
I still remember going to her funeral & not being able to even walk in the church...seeing her in the casket & expecting at any moment for her to inhale and prove everyone wrong...to know my Grammy, the woman who raised & nurtured me for as long as I can remember is now just reduced to a pearl white & gold trimmed box underground hurts deep. It's still recent (August 17th) so of course I wouldn't be 'over it,' but...I don't know - I just miss my Grammy :(