Cleaning out my room back in July, I came across all my random papers with the shit I write when I'm upset or just in general to clear my brain. Majority of the stuff is either sad or a self-description - which makes sense. Looking back on old stuff, I wonder where my mind was at that moment and although it may not be impressive to all I wonder where the fuck did I think of this shit - throwing out SAT words of the day on bishes. I probably found them at a good time since I'm en route to evolve and leave that mindset in the past with the bullshit situations that helped coerce those feelings...Ah well...better to write out the pain than to try and seek revenge..
Right now I have no idea why
...but I want to just cry
Last time I shed an honest tear was two years ago because my Grammy died.
For years I've told myself emotions are a weakness humans extort for personal purpose
So even if my insides burn from holding in pain - in vain - I'll smile and inform you I'm fine
My feelings could be stomped on numerous times but I'll take it in stride yet never confide - that's why you'll never hear from me again...
Sharp pains shoot through me to remind my subconscious there's something hiding - whether I acknowledge it or not.
No amount of ignorance can be bliss when it comes to your own feelings.
Now I feel like I'm falling deeper into an abyss of denial, distraction, maybe even depression.
Instead of put myself in a situation that can end badly I'd rather avoid it all together.
There's a less chance of losing when you take yourself out the game
I have my eyes on my prize but the cost is too steep
I feel destiny is trying to lead me to complacency
To settle for what I can get and make the best of it
"Pickings Are Slim/ Beggars Can't Be Choosers" - but I can't divulge when all I meet are losers..
Bitch...
Term of endearment or nickname for a dog
A state of mind or a self-defensive fog
A Bush mentality - shooting poison filled daggers rapidly
Always attack the other before they can get to me
Making it clear I'm not one to be fucked with
I see through all of your bullshit so save it for someone who cares...
Bitch...
Life sentence or powerful asset
Never again stepped on or over - that's the past
Yet there's nobody walking by my side for comfort, support, or to emit pride...
Those cries are muffled by that strong power I rev like the engine on my minds boat that sputters to a halt in the ocean of my thoughts...
...like...where do I come up with this shit....?
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