...Since the New Year began, I've been on this journey of self-exploration.
A mission to try and make myself a better/nicer person.
I've cut all ties to those who I felt were unnecessary/ dead weight/ space fillers.
I'm not running with niggaz just so I'm not lonely.
I've finally gotten the will power to stop talking to the poison males of my past and also done what I felt was a sign of growth with other past situations that were possibly unresolved and did what I felt was right.
I'm trying to actually ask for advice before I fly off the wall and snap out on people.
I truly listen to peoples outlook of me so I can see the the things I can't and work on them.
I've kind of put myself in my own form of isolation as a means to defend myself while in this vulnerable state
I never allow anyone to see me in a fragile mindset, but I'm wondering if its possibly a good thing so others can see that I'm not as nonchalant as I appear - I do have a universe of wild emotions that I at times can't even control...but my Cancer traits will never allow that, for I don't trust enough to crawl out of that shell or let anyone in.
I don't know if what I'm doing is helping but I just feel I need to strengthen the confidence within myself before I project it to others. I need to love myself before I attempt to portray that emotion to another.
People often say "fake it til you make it" - but I'd prefer this be genuine.
I don't need to go into anything with a laundry list of insecurities and issues and expect someone else to want to deal with them when they have their own. As of now not only am I single but I've discarded all of the prospects too because I had no desire to be around them and no point wasting everyones time....my hearts not in it
I know this won't be completed overnight but from a six month check up I do believe I'm doing some things better and I believe others who are around me enough can see it as well.
My main goal in this is to be happy...with myself, the decisions whether good or bad, the direction my life is headed, and to be able to enjoy it all.
I just wanna make it in this land of endless possibilities that right now seem like impossible dreams...but I gotta keep it moving in hopes it will all make sense...one day...
Just needed to vent and such since its the only way it would get off my brain..maybe now ill be alil less aggy...
..back to work...
A mission to try and make myself a better/nicer person.
I've cut all ties to those who I felt were unnecessary/ dead weight/ space fillers.
I'm not running with niggaz just so I'm not lonely.
I've finally gotten the will power to stop talking to the poison males of my past and also done what I felt was a sign of growth with other past situations that were possibly unresolved and did what I felt was right.
I'm trying to actually ask for advice before I fly off the wall and snap out on people.
I truly listen to peoples outlook of me so I can see the the things I can't and work on them.
I've kind of put myself in my own form of isolation as a means to defend myself while in this vulnerable state
I never allow anyone to see me in a fragile mindset, but I'm wondering if its possibly a good thing so others can see that I'm not as nonchalant as I appear - I do have a universe of wild emotions that I at times can't even control...but my Cancer traits will never allow that, for I don't trust enough to crawl out of that shell or let anyone in.
I don't know if what I'm doing is helping but I just feel I need to strengthen the confidence within myself before I project it to others. I need to love myself before I attempt to portray that emotion to another.
People often say "fake it til you make it" - but I'd prefer this be genuine.
I don't need to go into anything with a laundry list of insecurities and issues and expect someone else to want to deal with them when they have their own. As of now not only am I single but I've discarded all of the prospects too because I had no desire to be around them and no point wasting everyones time....my hearts not in it
I know this won't be completed overnight but from a six month check up I do believe I'm doing some things better and I believe others who are around me enough can see it as well.
My main goal in this is to be happy...with myself, the decisions whether good or bad, the direction my life is headed, and to be able to enjoy it all.
I just wanna make it in this land of endless possibilities that right now seem like impossible dreams...but I gotta keep it moving in hopes it will all make sense...one day...
Just needed to vent and such since its the only way it would get off my brain..maybe now ill be alil less aggy...
..back to work...
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