...Confessions Of A Commitmentphobe

I was thinking long and hard about myself. I noticed in the past couple of years I've kept all prospects at arms length even if people on the outside noticed the chemistry or atleast that my current showed an interest in me. It was then after speaking with a few friends I declared that I possibly turned into a commitmentphobe. As life goes you try things, they don't always work, and sometimes you get hurt - but sometimes some wounds don't heal as quickly as others or they open other wounds that you may not have fuly dealt with from the past as far back as childhood. Then after googling it and seeing it's really a phobia I came up with this 3 part series as a creative way to kind of get the emotion out and also help me cope and move on, because if not I'll stay in the same vicious cycle...C.O.C. part one...enjoy...

Arachnophobia? [scared of spiders] – Nope
Acrophobia? [scared of heights] – Not at all
Anthrophobia? [scared of people] – NEVER
Coulrophobia [scared of clowns] – Ok, maybe a little
But my phobia is commitment.
Sounds crazy right?
Normally you’d believe females LIVE for commitment and only dread NEVER finding it
…Not me
My brain seems to translate commitment into the ghosts of relationships past, the visual of present unhappy souls, and the terror of the future if one sudden decision is made.
It’s synonymous to settling
Settling equals death
Death equals a routine falling into place, and life as you KNEW it – is over
It’s that unsettling feeling of what will be given up in order for this partnership to sustain and fear it would be all for nothing.
Come on, people can barely stick with a hair color or a pair of shoes, much less another person – especially when there’s so much variety out there
Marriage & Stability all sounds grand
Who would deny “true love” and a pretty ring on their hand?
Everyone in the world has a soul mate – right?
The promises of lifetime devotion, affection and happiness – what more could you ask for?!
But if that’s broken, what happens next…?
Am I just destined to continue to give my all just to watch it crumble beneath me?
I’ve rearranged my name, my ways – shit my whole life
I’ve listened to the pretty words and felt the tender touch, only to find out he bailed to see if the grass was greener with a cheap thrill or regardless of how much time and effort I put in, it’s never enough…
The nerve of that ungrateful son of a bitch!
…and Reversal is a motherfucker!
All that time invested, now to start anew…again
Trial & error is how we figure out what works best
It’s also the easiest route to grey hairs and stress
Apparently I see “LOVE” is just a fly-by-night emotion
Dedication seems to be only for the older generation – and even they’re slipping
I’m tired of having my heart ripped out
I don’t want to constantly have nagging feelings of frustration, distrust and confusion.
I’m terrified that the only results will be yet another sad and painful story
I don’t have the strength for it…
If I could actually encounter a person who is genuinely honest and not full of shit, this probably wouldn’t exist.
Stop feeding me poetic lines with no substance. Don’t tell me things you think I want to hear. I don’t even want you to tell me I look nice when I obviously look wrecked, because even little white lies can turn into a whale story in 10 seconds flat.
When I was younger I did dream of one day having the whole family ordeal
Now it’s just a painful conclusion that a similar real life situation is either a bad decision with permanent ramifications or a fleeting ideal from the Medieval days….
2BCont