...Trust...Forgiveness....Moving On

A New Year approaches....and I said I wasn't going to have a New Year's resolution...but I lied.

There are things I know I need to work on, and now is the best time to start a path of rejuvenation.

I already have trust issues, but as always they have been tested and broken...

I tend to hold grudges which in turn makes it hard to forgive someone....

In order to grow and move on, I can't allow all of those things to exist in my mind and spirit.

All it will do is continue to grow and destroy anything I'm trying to build or rebuild.

It causes me to cling to the past hurts, and place them in the future instead of focusing on the present and making the best of that.

Throws my paranoia into overdrive, expecting every little thing is the start of a bigger picture that will in turn hurt me.

No one is exempt.....friends....significant others...shit even family members get this treatment.

In my mind it seems fair because if it weren't for their actions, I wouldn't be in this state and feel the need to go through all these extremes that follow...

..but its not fair to them for me to hold it over their head and see that everytime I see or think of them. No amount of effort to make things right will start the healing if all I allow them to be is their mistake or downfall..

All these grudges do is hurt me....by doing my best to make the other person feel the pain they gave me I'm still just hurting myself more picking at the wound.

I have to work on forgiving fully...not half way....

But as everyone knows trust is a very serious thing. You take months even years to build up a certain level of trust where you just KNOW shit is cool...and in one moment all that time and hard work means nothing.

That hurts...and for me its really not an easy thing to recover from because trust and honesty mean A LOT to me...because for the most part that's all anyone really has is their word....

And the fact I'm honest to the point I don't even mean to tell people everything I'm thinking but I do it anyway whether they like it/wanna hear it/ care or not - is like a slap in the face.....

That whole treat others how you would want to be treated, If I fuck with you - thats what I try my best to do...and if that's not reciprocated in all forms...thats an insult to our entire purpose/relationship.

....its not all about me though...sure that's how I feel - but sometimes....you just gotta forgive and move on....

...Seriously...?

That was smooth as shit on the one teams part..but really....you know its a game - you just gonna let a nigga walk through the line of scrimmage?...whether he running or not...you should be playing your position...hit that nigga....and by the time they realized it - he was gone lmao

...I Be On My Philly Shit

Besides having a mild obsession with Young Chris....living away from home - helps me miss it and appreciate it more....I rep it hard as shit cause I get offended if people believe I'm from Maryland....and once people are around me long enough they tend to recognize I'm not like these people out here.
But...put my Philly representing self blended with my love of Young Chris is this video

...Everyone's Getting Married - I'm Getting Drunk

I've noticed a lot of people I went to high school with have settled down and gotten married. It was nothing for them to have kids, everybody but maybe two people I was cool with is a mother/father...but marriage is different. Now I saw the trend happen first with all of my caucasian friends....didn't reallly efeect me that much because I almost expect that from them....but recently, I guy I went to school with since probably kindergarten just got married to his high school sweetheart I presume. He's a 24 year old black man. I only point that out because that doesn't happen to often....at least I haven't witnessed it anyway. 

Talking to my one co-worker, her and her husband just got married about a year ago but had been together about 12 years prior. To me, that's an achievement in itself but in my mind I'm always thinking "let's see them 20-40 years from now"

Everyone claims they've fallen in love at one point or another...

People even believe they've found the ONE and go through with a marriage 

But with high divorce rates....just because they go through with it doesn't mean they're going to stick with it.

I always say I doubt I'll get married....only because if I do, I don't believe in divorce/getting married multiple times. If I change my last name and vow before God, my family and friends you're the one - that's it. You're stuck with me until death do us part even if it means we have to kill each other. 

If I get married I want to make sure it's established that we can get along and through any situation. I want my best friend and lover all wrapped into one lovely package and I'd want him to feel the same way about me. I've seen all three sides of marriage. 

My Grammy and her husband were together since she was 16 in Greenville, S.C.. Had her only son at 18. Gramps called a white man a cracker almost got killed and they ran away to D.C., opened up a bar and made money together. Finally settled in Philadelphia, bought a house and survived together. There were times they couldn't stand each other....I mean one Sunday she got mad he went to church without her because she wasn't dressed yet and shot the man in the leg. He didn't press charges or moved out. She nursed his wounds and they went on about their business. They were together until Gramps died in 87 and now they're together again once Grammy died in 2007.

My own parents....met in college and despised each other. My dad called her an uppity bitch and she hit him with an umbrella. Somehow the two found something in each other that lasted until they got married in 83. Summer of 86 they had me....during my younger years I knew of them through visits, so I didn't experience their relationship head on...but I knew they'd go on trips together every year and always seemed happy. Older I got the more I noticed the space between them whether intentional or not. Sleeping in different rooms....barely any communication unless its deemed necessary....and I'm almost the middle man at times relaying the message between the two in hopes they gain a better understanding of how the other feels. How are you a couple but you can't even talk to each other? To me that doesn't even seem like a marriage....its an arrangement of convenience now....they both need each other to maintain their lifestyle, and after all these years - what's the point of moving on now?

My aunt....the free spirit, never has a problem getting a man but they never stick around for long. She's been married multiple time....at least 4. Numerous boyfriends throughout the years and as the internet got more popular she even started using online dating sites since her main focus became her work and her billiards hobby. I even called her out on it one time to say she had a new boyfriend fro every holiday she'd come to Philly and visit....and we'll see if this one lasts past Christmas or New Years. Finally at 50, she's married again to a man we all hope lasts til the end. They seem to have a relationship that works, they've built a great life for themselves and overall seem happy together even when they have their little disagreements, because she's opinionated and he's a lawyer.

Out of all the examples, of course the ideal I'm after is the one my grandparents had. Regardless of what happened they were there for each other. Hatred could boil to the point of wanting to kill each other but they got through it went to bed and woke up like it never happened. It's that genuine type of relationship where you're always willing to make it work...because that's what marriage is....work. Just because you get married the hard part isn't over...that's when it begins. You have to fight daily to make sure the feelings you came in with stay alive....never getting comfortable or just being assured that because you got this ring that all there is and there's nowhere else to go. Everybody now thinks the moment they can't come to an agreement or get along it's time to seperate....

Unless it's drastically unhealthy/unsafe for the both of them...maybe the two should sit down and try to determine how they got to that point and work on it from there. Even if they need to talk to a counselor or therapist so the middle man can assist in smoothing the conversation down - it can help. Arguing isn't gonna help....and nagging won't make anyone listen...

Ah well...I'm rambling....just some thoughts since I am getting up there in age and that point in life is surrounding me.

If it's meant to be it'll happen, but those involved gotta be willing to continue to work at it too

...Random Song Of The Moment

Had an interesting week....unexpected turbulence happening.

Given the situation, this song fit how I felt

Last time I felt that way I was in college and sat in my room and cried with this and Donny Hathaway "Giving Up" on repeat in my headphones in the dark.

...I wasn't that distraught this time around - but the feelings were the same

Besides the sad feelings, this is one of my favorite songs by this duo

 If I Was A Bird - Floetry

"...if I was the sky I'd let it rain - to wash away the pain..."

...Fun Stuff

Late birthday present from thee boyfriend.....cool concert, good seats and awesome company....

Got to see Janelle Monae, B.O.B., Common, Chuck Brown, The Roots, and Erykah Badu all live for the first time. It was really great. Only thing I disliked was Chuck Brown...since I don't particularly fuck with gogo....and because they were a tad bit longwinded it cut The Roots set short.....and because Erykah took like 2 years to come out when her time came we didn't get to see it all - but I digress

You suck if you missed it, I didn't so I win

I wanna see Janelle in a full concert now because her performance even for the short amount of time was awesome.

BOB was cool, I can't say I'm a die hard fan of his but the few songs I know he did....too bad when he came out he screamed for Boston....when he was clearly in Columbia, Maryland.

Common is an awesome live performer....I know because he has YEARS in the game it'd be a sin for him to not have his technique down pat, but he has alot of energy, smooth transitions, and he did a freestyle using the word Samaba...I guess it was the broads name

The Roots were dope, I'd never seen them live before and now I wanna see a full set from them as well. You'd think it be a sin for me to just now be experiencing this being from Philly - but...at least I did it.

Then Erykah....from the part we got to see before we left [not tryna be stuck in that traffic] she has a feel an ambiance to her show I see....she'll also be someone I'll need to see a full set from to gain the full spectrum of her live performance

I'm glad he thought of me while also doing for himself by getting these tickets, it was a grand outing in general....

I'm just mad the mega board wouldn't post our promo/hatred messages but would fill em up with ghey ass marriage proposals and I love yous by jerks who want attention...ours were better like:

"Happy Birthday Jessica, I hope you catch gonorrhea and fall in a bush"

or promoting his Twitter page

even saying the Eagles were better since all these Deadskin/Dallas/Giants/Ravens fans had so much to say

....ah well....

Oh and death to overnight shift anywhere....I hate you

...Random Song Of The Moment

song popped in my head because of Mystikal's outburts of Michael Jackson sound effects in the middle of rapping. I remember this video coming on The Box - seems like ages ago

....but Ya'll Ain't Ready Tho....

...Now Go Run Tell That!

I was directed to this news clip by someone on Twitter...I thought the madness ended once I saw a female with pink kinky twists on screen, but then the greatness that is Antoine Dodson appears....






....now he has a song.....the magic of overnight internet celebrity and the creations we come up with...

...Like Damn Lauryn...It's Nice To See Ya

Did ya miss us much girlie?

...ya singing like it

...I like the run she does starting :33 in

...Minor Changes

Sooo....exactly one month after I'm hired - I quit.

I'm still employed tho!

I was granted the opportunity to work for the same company just at a closer location.

Once I recognized my everyday commute was going to be no less than an hour and maybe more depending on traffic, I knew something needed to be done.

A co-worker who recently was hired by the facility informed me of the job opening and I immediately jumped on the chance. So today, is my official last day working in Baltimore....good riddance anyway.

I've gone through more drama in this month working there than I have in almost my enitre life in Philly lol.

My car been broken into twice, stole my Ipod and some money, some crazy man in a Dodge Ram tried to run me off the road into a median, an armed car robbery in progress decided to ride by shooting at cops that were trying to help me...like WTF

I though home was crazy...these niggaz out here are on some other shit for real....these streets ain't no joke....get you a White House and ya'll go bizerk and shit

But whatever....this new job will only be 30 minutes away which is a blessing, cuts my commute time in half and now majority of my day won't be wasted by driving - AMEN

Now I'll be able to fully experience this new area I'm in and possibly appreciate it more since I'll actually have time to enjoy it.

Hopefully this will also allow me to do this more....I miss my randomness on here, even if nobody else cares

...It Only Took EXACTLY 5 Months

...5 months to the day I got fired [January 11th, 2010] I got the phone call that has now changed the life I knew. I'm happily no longer unemployed *hip hip hooray* I also no longer live in Philly......

Today started my new journey as a Maryland resident. I work in Baltimore and reside in Accokeek.

I'm very thankful for this opportunity.

Alot of people I know have gone up to and over a year without a job, I feel blessed to have gotten one in such a short amount of time especially with the way the economy has been iffy in certain places like Philly.

I'm glad I was determined enough to be employed I took the chance to apply out of state.

I'm thankful for my family who are allowing me to stay with them and helping me get on my feet out here

I'm blessed to have friends that although they were sad to see me go, are glad to watch me succeed

And I'm lucky to have a boyfriend who only wants the best for me and thinks more on that than his own personal gain from this situation.

Since I came back home from New Orleans, I started to feel like I'd probably never be able to get back out of Philly. I love my city to death, but it surely isn't where I want to spend my entire life. My current job if it goes well and as I hope/plan I will be able to see the world and [if I have one] can take my family with me. I can see myself getting into a situation where I'll be comfortable which is my number one goal for myself.

Today was the first day of my new future....let's see how far this goes...

...Another Youtube Sensation

She's just signed a record deal, she's got bout 5 iPhones and has used them to re-create songs she likes using the apps....pretty cool

Check her Youtube page

...Random Song Of The Moment

Listening to instrumental type shit like Debussy...and I remembered my most favorite guitar solo of all time. I first heard it on Oceans 12, the moments Brad Pitt would see Catherine Zeta-Jones and I just bonded with it for some unforsaken reason. Anyway, I know I will play this at my wedding and I will imagine this is playing at any romantic moment I expericnce....its beautiful and everyone should like it. Here's an adaptation to it I found on youtube but the original is better IMO

Crepusolo Sul Mare - Piero Umiliani

...Favorite Song of The Moment

So I listened to Janelle Monae's album yesterday - I adore it, if you haven't heard it you should.

Anyway my favorite song from it so far is the video below. It hit me as soon as I heard it and made me smile. While reading a review of her album I saw an explanation of the song and that solidified my adoration and my reasoning.

in her lyrics, which ask if her lover is ready to completely trust in the power of their union (“Love is such a novelty/A relic painted masterpiece…An underwater rocket love/Exactly what I’m searching for/If you’re brave enough to go then tell me so…”)

To me, it shows my progression from my last relationship to my current one. I've evolved from the hurt individual to a place of neutrality but uneasy feelings of the future. From there I'm actually coming to a place where I can hope for good things, imagine great future things, and hope he wants and see's the same with me....but that's just me....

Anyway..its a beautiful flip of Clair de Lune by Debussy....Say You'll Go - Janelle Monae

"...our love will sail in this ark, the world could end outside our window. Let's find forever and write our name in fire on each others heart...."

...Gimme $2 Or I'ma Kick Yo Ass

...yea he SAYS he feels bad for him - but he knows he was scared for his life

I found that shit funny tho...straight told him shut yo fucking mouth and find $2 lmfao

...You Question My Intelligence

Today would've been Malcolm X's 85th birthday

no matter the obstacle he was a G - even when being brbed an probed by the FBI

and while I listened to this - I wanna give another shoutout to Denzel Washington for nailing that part. He has his voice down pat like shit....

...I Actually Like A Music Video

...as far as  this album, it's not one of my favz. I personally say Alicia got the Keyshia Cole/MJB curse....once you get a man and all extra happy the music isn't the same and doesn't always take like prior albums....but "everybody's got a Nastradamus"

This is a song I do adore, and the video is a really cool movement through time from the 50's to the present and interacial dating is the focal point. It's a great idea and played out nicely

Unthinkable - Alicia Keys

....if you ask me - I'm ready...

...So Disrespectful

Last night, I went to University of Penn to take my best friend to get some breathing treatments since her asthma was acting up. At the same time we noticed a family in turmoil arriving because someone got shot. Of course at first, we think nothing of it - niggas get shot in the hood everyday B....but while waiting, the story begins to unfold itself through the devestated witnesses and family members.

Apparently...all over a dispute with an off duty newly hired cops' girlfriend about water guns one man gets killed and two others injured. It was a fairly hot day yesterday - who wouldn't be happy to just chill and play on the block with water...it harmless. The cop who apparently already dislikes the victim, who's name was Howard Williams, gets all in his feelings and decides THIS is the moment to seek revenge on whatever vendetta he has. 

All Howard was doing was trying to diffuse the situation between the two females so everyone can go back to enjoying the day and the cop can pick up his son. The cop goes to his car grabs his gun....shoots Howard twice in the chest, then three more times once he's down in front of children and other neighbors with no regard for anything or anyone.....unnecessary

Me and Tyk were in the waiting room with the family and all you could see were sad faces...all you could hear were cries for stability and help....one of Howard's sisters had to be put on oxygen because she was having the worst panic atttack, that wouldn't let up because of the anticipation of knowing if he would pull through. The whole family and neighborhood came to support them, and after atleast 2 hours they were finally informed he didn't make it. 

I know things like that happen everyday...if someone works in the ER, that's almost a regular occurence, but for ME to watch that whole situation unfold is devestating. It was senseless.....a young cop with the wrong mindset expressing his anger the wrong way. Now a family is planning how to bury their son....father....brother....uncle. His poor niece will forever hold herself responsible for his death because she was arguing with the cops girlfriend - everyday crying like she was when she entered the hospital screaming "I'm sorry" multiple times between the sobs in hopes it will make everything ok and bring him back.

A sister in denial her brother is gone and told every person in the lobby "Call my brother and tell him I'm downstairs, he's coming home with ME - you'll see..."

Besides being fired that cop better be put under the jail. His job is to serve and protect whether on or off duty. He doesn't deserve a fair anything because he wasn't fair to Howard or his family. I hope his family has a lot of protection because they will have the entire Williams clan looking for them.

Original Story

...Dick Slanging

...so a group of males decided to all stand around and make a dance out of tryna make they dick smack they legs....

...I think they're ghey...

...The First

Yesterday Derek [hit the name to follow him on Twitter btw] asked me, what was the first song I fell in love with....GREAT question....

So I went as far back as I could remember in my musical life, and landed on thee gospel song. Even as a child I felt the message and power of the lyrics, and the lead singer makes sure you feel it too. I first heard the song in church and my God mother always sang the lead. She sounds just like the recording but better and every time she did it made me cry....to this day if I listen to the song I have to play it twice.

Check out Derek's Blog for his writings, life and his trend of Tuesday Tunes right here --->

 Mo Rease Blog

you'll be happy you did....

in the meanwhile the song I'm talking about is Order My Steps by the Georgia Mass Woman's (GWMA) Choir

...Thee Best Episode of ATHF

I adore Adult Swim....in turn I love Aqua Teen Hunger Force. One of the best episodes in my opinion had me laughing for days, and quoting this to people in a threatening tone.....

.....Tonight......YOU.....

say hello to Hand Banana

Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Hand Banana - Watch more Funny Videos

...Favorite Song Of The Moment

...been on an honesty kick, because that's all I want people to be with me. With too many situations that could've been avoided or easily fixed if used, I find it to be the best thing for everyone. I have the logic I'd rather have hurt feelings/a bruised ego hearing the truth than have a head capped up with a bunch of lies or half truths.

On a relationship kick, sometimes people tend to withhold the truth or feelings in general in fears of the repercussions or backlash of said feelings. Then the other party's mind is free to wander because of a lack of direction....kinda the flow of one of my favorite Jill Scott songs....besides the message I adore her entire Jazz transformation mid song...

And so it seems that you’re hiding something from me
And that ain’t the way my sweet
I’m loving you
But I get confused
And what makes me fear
When your personality is unclear
I make things up in my mind

Jill Scott - Talk To Me 

...The Fish Pedicure

It's been done in Asia for years, now it's in Paris. In a bit, it'll probably come to America if PETA doesn't find something wrong with it. Basically the little fish have no teeth but they eat the dead skin off your feet. It's a natural and better way to do so than the files we use now that cause the skin to grow back faster because of dermis irritation....looks deep - I'd try it.

...Did You Learn Anything...?

...besides his wife, if it was anybody else Tiger needed to explain himself to...it would be his father.

The Nike commercial uses his audio while Tiger listens on to the questions he has for him before he returns to golf...

...Go Back To Where You Came From - And STAY There

Kiely Williams formerly in the group 3LW and also the Cheetah Girls....has decided to embark on her own solo type shit....but it is a #FAIL

Who knows...somebody might like it....but I'm sure she's getting more attention than she ever would in any other aspect...lets get drunk and be a barstool jumpoff everyone!

Here's....Spectacular

....Crackers

Chris Rock's Parody of Hey Ya....

...too funny...

...you raped my grandma oooo you raped my grandma....my fathers lightskinned oooo my fathers lightskinned...

Now whats cooler than being a white man? - NOTHING

Whats worse than being a black man? - NOTHING

...Random Song Of The Moment

....I like this song the more I listen to it....and I like the video done for it.
I swear she's on a mission to make uniform saddle shoes cool - I spent 8 years wearing em in burgundy and white, so I'll pass - but she works it out with her James Brown-esque stage presence/dancing.

...whether I'm high or low...I'm gonna tip on the tightrope...
NOW SHUT-UP!

Tightrope - Janelle Monae

Janelle Monae - New Music - More Music Videos

...It's Not Just For Shaking Ass

...its for strength building and artistic expression
World Champion (who knew) Pantera at a workshop in King of Prussia, showing why she holds the title with her strength and form

...Art - It's Good For You

An artist currently residing in Philly did a video painting Janelle Monae....
...I enjoy her art and am also a fan of Janelle
Enlighten your minds and experience the greatness...

Check all of her links
HERE

HERE

and her youtube page

HERE

the works speaks for itself...
Now watch this....

...Random Song Of The Moment

"...this song encapsulates my feelings...The sense of pride....Like Little Penny in my brain dances when I see you..."

I just listened to this song today....and now Usher has another song I can say I enjoy, for more than one reason...
I heard people talking about it before...but I thought it was the Charlie Wilson song [which i flippin adore btw] and brushed it off....I was mistaken...
There Goes My Baby

...To Catch A Predator

Chris Hansen vs R. Kelly
...it was just too funny...

...Favorite Song Of The Moment

I've been trying to like Usher's new shit...because I've loved/grown accustomed to everything else he's done....this whole Raymond vs. Raymond may be the end of my perfect travels with his music BUT I do love this song and shall love it more for many reasons....
Mars vs. Venus - NOT to be confused or labeled as a ripoff of Jay-Z's Venus vs. Mars....two completely different topics...just similar names.....now enjoy
-Ashley

...Every Little Bit Helps

Reed Sandrige from D.C. recently got laid off from his job and is now living off savings and unemployment benefits...so what does he do with it?
Gives $10 to a stranger everyday during his "year of giving". He sees and individual that appears they may need the cash or have an interesting story to tell and moves on from there.
He documents the people he gives the gift to and blogs about it everyday. So far he has shared almost $1,000 with people within 94 days.
His focus is to mainly share the gift of kindness more than the money.
I felt this was a very grand thing he's doing....with me being in a similar situation I'd jump on the bandwagon and give a smile to a random person....but - I still got bills to pay and a family to help with my couple hundred....so I'll live vicariously through him

Check his blog The Year Of Giving to keep up with this project and probably even his progress out of unemployment through the good deeds

ORIGINAL STORY

If there were more people like him, who actually have the means to help people...the world could be a better place. Instead of waiting until hard times hit others or yourself - just be nice....never know what it can bring :)

....Absolut Jay

"..you can't make art with business in mind..." - Jay-Z

"I think Jay is INFINITELY curious...that has everything to do with his longevity..." - John Mayer

Nothing new on him...but I enjoy hearing him speak on things. I respect him so why not share

...Homewreckers Beware - You're Going Down

Cynthia Shackelford found and used a law in North Carolina to successfully sue her husband of 33 years mistress for $9 million dollars.
Anne Lundquist was charged with "alienation of affections" or interfering in a marriage.

The case proceeded and Shackelford won. The outrageous price and the courts are hoping with the way marriage is disrespected frequently it would deter mistresses to feel what they're doing goes without repercussion and also make them think twice before proceeding with their ridiculous ways.

If you are the other woman....watch your back if you live in North Carolina, Utah, Mississippi, or Illinois.
If the other states hadn't abolished this - I could see this becoming a widespread type situation.

ORIGINAL STORY HERE

...Life Goes On

....so since 2010 began, I've been going through a lot of changes.
I was terminated from my job for some bullshit...
...funny thing is - I knew it was going to happen....
Those "management" people except one never liked me because of my attitude. I'm not one to kiss anybody's ass or bend over backwards unless it's needed/deserved...and they didn't like that. I did my job, I did it right and to me that's all that matters. Past couple months this one female manager who never liked me, without ever knowing or working with me, began to nitpick at everything I did whether it was right or wrong..
In a nutshell, my reason for being let go was because of an operational mistake. A foreign check that I properly submitted and processed, called back office to assist me, had HER sign off on and double check - somehow doesn't reach its destination...they have to credit the customer of the check they now claim they know nothing about, the bank takes a loss and in turn - I get the boot.
It's a blessing in disguise though...I didn't like the job or the people....If you follow me on Twitter I was ALWAYS talking shit about everybody even the customers that irked my life.
As of now, I have no clue what the blessing is that will come from this, but I'm willing to be patient to see what is to come.

With the free time I've devoted more time into school. I've signed up for more classes in hopes of attaining my degree at a faster pace. While on this job search it's very noticeable you need a Bachelors to simply work at T.G.I.Fridays much less a job with substance unless you're well connected or extremely lucky. I'm going to take this time to not only excel in learning, but to hone my networking skills...a lot of times opportunities are found through people you know...so I need to expand my associates for networking purposes. It's a bit out of my comfort zone since my ideal situation is to stay off the radar and stick with my immediate circle of individuals...but in order to get new results - I must be willing to do and try new things.

In the midst of that drastic change in lifestyle, I was propositioned and have embarked on a relationship. It's been a LONG time since I even thought of taking anyone seriously...it was also another reason why I went on my self improvement regime to rid my self of any ill feelings prior relationships and dealings with men may have caused...even when the idea came up I was still apprehensive, but I'm taking the chance anyway. With the free time I normally wouldn't have if I were working, it's giving us ample time and a chance to really delve into knowing all the ins and outs of each other to build on what we learned when we were just friends. It's early but we're very supportive of each other, and so far things are well and hopefully they continue to be that way. It's a very different situation and I'm interested in seeing where this may go.

I've recently been frequenting many open mics in the Northeast region. There are A LOT of talented people out there. It's a shame many aren't heard more prevalently but it's great to know there are many venues and outlets that appreciate and welcome these individuals. The more I attend them the more I feel obliged to participate. As much as I write, I don't see why not...People compliment my work but I don't have the balls for it....I've already made a commitment to perform one time in December....but I'm building up the strength to try it on another occasion....at least before the summer is over I'd like to have done so 3 times....like once a month or so to get my feet wet and get the nerves to relax.

I really need to get on my shit and update this consistently...I have the 'ok' to get a co-sign from many other great bloggers and gain some support...but I want to have a well oiled machine going..I don't wanna advertise some bullshit. I have recognized my 3 main keywords for this blog...which is Music, Literature, & Life.

Well...that's enough about me...I'll catch ya'll on the flipside or you can always spot me on >> Twitter <<
..follow me and speak - I don't bite, unless you like that shit *shrug*
-Ashley

...Random Song Of The Moment

...along with my Ghostface obsession...this is a song I've been listening to a lot......also cause it's on a CD I have in my car...but respect the WU....bitch

..The World According To Pretty Toney

My mild obsession w/ Ghostface satisfied through some dumb ass youtubes with the dumb shit he says...*sigh*...

...13 Years

B.I.G. was killed...so, I got my favorite song.
I can never listen to this without getting an itchy palm and the urge to reek havoc...
...commit crimes, smack hoes, and just be plain ol gangster and destructive...
I'm not gonna do that, but I will listen to the song anyway
Gimme Tha Loot - Biggie Smalls

...So go get ya man bitch he can get robbed too! Tell em Biggie took it, what the fuck he gonna do?! I hope apologetic or I'ma have to set it..and if I set it - the cocksucker wont forget it!!!!...

...100 Year Old Alice In Wonderland

In honor of the new movie, here's the first version...bout 9 years after they started making movies....period
Gritty, but the special effects aren't bad at all

...Recognize The Greatness

There's a petition going and there's hope for a test run during the 2012 Olympic in London for Pole Dancing to be recognized as a sport and be a competition during the games.
It be a great thing to showcase the art and also show there's more to it than what happens in the strip clubs. It's fitness, it's fun, and pretty complicated....
As a fan, student and advocate I support this movement

ORIGINAL STORY

...Love Unspoken

...wrote this august of '05....ran across it while looking for a password in my email....*shrug*

*a couple sittin together watching TV..the man walks out of the room*

i love you...

Can you see it in my eyes as they peer into yours..trying desperately to see your soul

Can you hear it in my voice as i try to confess to you the feelings you long to know

Can you feel it in my touch as i lightly touch tour temples to relieve your stress and calm your mind

Can you taste it in my kiss...so sensual and only for you

Can you inhale the scent of us...of love...our love, and identify it...

I Love You!

I can see it in my dreams as i sleep and pray to never wake as to not end these perfect thoughts

I can hear the melody of your voice in my ears which is better than any sweet soundin song

I can feel it in my veins as it runs through my heart with every beat

I can taste it on the tip of my tongue where the word 'love' sits and waits to be said to you

I can breath freely knowing our love could be in the air flowing into my lungs and securing my life

With every sense that i have..with every part of my being..with all that i was, am and will be..from now until eternity...

I... !!! *he walks back into the room sits down*

...I have to pee

...In Honor of Black History Month

Here's a little dedication to the people who have led the way for the minor things we take for granted...like calling a white person a "cracker ass cracker" behing their backs


Teach The Babies

...Random Song of The Moment

...ever since that day, I've been in my SWV bag
The CD I can say was my dead ass favorite was New Beginning, I played it everyday after school like a religion...this was one of my favz

...when this feeling comes over me, will u be there - to receive... and let this love breathe....
When This Feeling

...Speechless In Motion

Adore the song, and this dance goes well with it
From So You Think You Can Dance U.K.

...Still Got It

My favorite female group of all time appeared at a Derek Blanks shoot few days ago
...they still got they pipes...no help...on random...
They're supposed to be reuniting, hopefully it will materialize SOON
I miss them

...What He Really Meant To Say...

If I could write a million songs
To show you that my feelings strong - I wouldn’t hesitate
You ain’t gotta designate me to a stringent title
Our living cycle’s too short for boundaries
And too often shit ain’t what we make it out to be
So I don’t want you feeling like I want you bound to me
It’s just that unexplainable part of you that brings something outta me
Or should I say holds my mouth closed tighter than Prince’s
Your smile or how your golden brown skin tone shines and it glistens
…a diamond…
That have knee high children inside mines digging
Priced as expensive as a life, the type of gleam some niggas die for
The type of Queen that I’m tryna provide for
But not in terms of dropping something in your pocket
More like a promise
That we’ll stay climbing
Even when there’s a jagged edge, we always stay solid
To be honest feels like its damn near destiny and I ain’t tryna Run from it like Hollis
Through the process of tryna find one to rock wit
I ran across some zirconias
Artificial, synthetic types
Time’a reveal they ain’t real if you shed the light

I ain’t one to get intimidated
But around you my brain in a different place
Make it hard for a wordsmith to articulate
Sit awake, tryna figure out the reason why you leave me speechless
I’m usually distinguished
Composed, cool and debonair
But I’m moving on a whole other level here
Feels like I’m treading air
Or flying
30,000 feet and rising
Til I’m subconsciously reminded that I ain’t a pilot
Simply put, I wouldn’t try it if I was right minded
Don’t make sense and I can’t describe it
So I write it
Hoping that you get it
And see the sincerity of what I’m saying as I spit it
I sent it from my heart to your ears, hope you listening
And comprehend that whatever needs fulfilling
Nothing I wouldn’t do, I’m Willing and Able
Even though scrambled eggs are fucking disgusting, I’d put in them minutes in the kitchen
To fix em
Plus cheese grits with extra butter, biscuits
And waffles with that strawberry topping shit just for one of your kisses
Hopefully it’s clear I ain’t tryna shaft you…can you dig it?
This ain’t no Pulp Fiction
I ain’t Sam or Tarrantino…naw
But in you I see That Girl that same girl Stevie saw…and if you ain’t her, ya’ll share a striking resemblance
…Very Superstitious

...Redemption Song

It's become a popular song for a few people to sing with all the Hope for Haiti things going on...Melanie Fiona, sick in her room decides to do her part and kills it - seriously

Instead Oprah has Rihanna ol tone deaf ass acting like she really killing shit....
I know Oprah ain't getting teary eyed...?!!!

..Just Wanted To Say

Kenzo is adorable!

...#thatthing

Wale decided to tell Honey Mag about #thatthing

Wale: The irony in the pursuit of success is that once some of us achieve the dream we swore we wanted, the things that were important on the road to it tend to deteriorate — family, “friends” and often love.

When I was in early high school, I would chant nonsense like money over bitches. Looking back, I cringe. After failed relationships, failed “flings,” failed attempts at being a gigolo, player, or anything under that umbrella, I made a self declaration that 2010 will be the year of #thatthing. #thatthing is an absolute anomaly. It’s unexplainable. It soothes, it kills, it holds, it harms. It literally can grant life or death with one touch. And for this reason, many of us wear masks, metaphorically of course. Masks that cover insecurities. Masks that prevent #thatthing from capturing you in its relentless clutch. The fear of being hurt, for some, is far more important then the joy of being in love.

Women, how many men have you met who surround themselves around so many women, they wouldn’t be able to distinguish “the one” if she were right under his nose? I propose the same question to the dudes: Have you ever courted someone and did everything in your power to make her “open her eyes” (Bobby Caldwell x Common)? Yet she still wants to be in the club every other day or she tells you she doesn’t want commitment. That is her trying not to be vulnerable. That is the proverbial wall that can’t be penetrated because even the briefest daydream of #thatthing will send her into shock. #thatthing has the staring role in life’s movie. A nigga may have never experienced #thatthing, but his mother/father/sister/brother/teammate’s experiences may have been enough to instill the fear. A woman may never have experienced that thing, but her homegirl/bestfriend/play-cousin just may have made a fool of herself at a local club, go-go, movie theater or mall because of #thatthing.

---

I’ve decided to pursue monogamy this year because #thatthing is beautiful. I literally drove down South Dakota Avenue with a North Face coat (the big joint) some basketball shorts, a wifebeater, and Timberlands. (Nike boots were muddy) on a summer night, because I wanted to show her "how real these tears are."

---

I’ve decided to pursue monogamy this year because #thatthing is beautiful. I literally drove down South Dakota Avenue with a North Face coat (the big joint) some basketball shorts, a wifebeater, and Timberlands. (Nike boots were muddy) on a summer night, because I wanted to show her “how real these tears are.” I can laugh at myself now, but at the time #thatthing had me lunchin’.

Ladies, Gents — #thatthing don’t give a fuck what she/he looks like, either. Many of us have fallen victim to the I-can’t-believe-I-used-to-sleep-with-that-monstrosity syndrome. Another result of #thatthing. For fear of hurting someone’s feelings (and encouraging an angry woman to stalk me), let’s just say I once was so caught up in #thatthing, I looked past several character flaws (as well as physical) for an extended period of time.

I have to ask myself why. Is it the thrill of chase? Spending nights under the covers talking about nothing? Your partner is so “perfect” that just to hear their breath is the most tranquil feeling in the world (and completely trumps a quick nut from a jump-off.) Her sex is so good I look past the fact that she has no job, no car, no ambition, and no drive. Or ladies — maybe he f*%cks so good that you forget that he has six children and he’s only 25. The most proud can be publicly foolish. The shy guy can transform into the most outspoken. The moment your heart and hormones start to fight for control of your brain, you’re probably caught up in #thatthing.

My pursuit of #thatthing is a difficult one. I like to consider myself an unrecognizable famous person, meaning I can still do the things most 25-year-old employed black men can do, without too much attention. But at the same time, a lot of these women know who I am, (albeit never heard a song. LOL.) This is where the pessimism starts to creep in. And the paranoia that guides my judgment when exchanging numbers. Why does she want to talk to me? How long till she tells me she’s a model? I met Jay-Z in ‘99 he said he was gonna sign me. Can you ask him if we’re still good? Situations like this make the pursuit of #thatthing just as hard as shaking it off once acquired.

...Oh Anderson Cooper

Not only is he sexy [yes I know he's gay]
BUT he also saves lives when he's not on CNN
Getting a boy out of the line of fire in the midst of the massive looting in Haiti

...Happy MLK Day Of Service

As always...remember to get out today and help

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "For Whites Only". We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

...Favorite Song Of The Moment

New stuff from Monica by popular demand
The song is pretty on its own
It made me adore it more because it samples an awesome song [Silly - Deniece Williams]
And personally its my favorite part during the chorus cause I like songs for thee most random reasons

Everything To Me - Monica
...always come first and second to none....

...Happy Birthday Baby Girl

Day late - but this year Aaliyah would've been 31
...Regardless her memory still lingers in everyone's mind and music
My uber favorite song of hers besides her classics
It's Whatever
...like a candy to an apple - we go together...you're so sweet on me...

..Disappointment Wont Be An Issue

I've inspired some literature from Fleetwood Deville
he felt the urge to respond to the shit I wrote yesterday...
maybe he'll record it to balance out his bitches ain't shit theme songs lol
...lets take a look...


I know you prolly think I'm shooting game
But the truth is babe
I'm diggin you
We can do whatever you tryna get into
Your convo
Got my heart racing like OJ in the Bronco
Sista, you a killa...incendiary as a cinder...a knockout, your brain and beauty's such a perfect combo
Let's...put our chemistry to the test, hands on...connect like elec-trons in a covalent bond
Tryna get my grown man on while the slow jams blow
And showcase all the shit that F stands fo
Well....not quite all, but anyway, I'm tryna chill
I ain't frontin, I'm fareal
You can capture me, and enslave me with your sensuality
It ain't a fallacy
We can exercise fantasies and burn calories
Find your heartbeat wit my fingertips and feel ya soul flutter

If the addiction is fatal, I ain't rehabbing
Your essence leave a faint fragrance of cocaine every time we get it crackin
So it's fair to say I'm fiendin for you badly
Give a nigga fever...foreplay to finale

Dig it
I'm tryna make it vivid
to the point that it's a dream we constantly reliving
Take you where bliss is, together...we can share forever every minute til it ends...

...And your Voodoo make me want it One Mo Gin, work my Root with your touch
For which I'ma glutton...the satisfaction give me a rush, more significant than lust
Fuck if it's the Devil's Pie, I'm eating everything from the filling to the crust

Brown skin lady shine like the black star you are
Let me share your luminous light
while we steal kisses like thieves in the night
I fail to fathom a definition or explanation
For the feeling when you begging me "faster" between respirations

I'm tryna give you pleasure til your fingernails ripping skin and your legs quivering measure on the Richter scale

...Disappointment won't be an issue...

*applause - take a bow sir*