...It's Over...

A satisfaction you don't want
A pain that hurts so good
The promises you always make
But never follow through

All the signs are visible
We're hanging by a thread
All I had in me for us is drained
frozen - embalmed - dead

Your eyes don't shine when you see me
My heart sits still when you're around
Our soundtrack began when we first met
...I no longer hear that sound

It's the time before the break-up
Waiting to see which side will lose
First one to speak up
Last one to choose

It's not you - it's me
Take the blame to be the bigger person
There's no us or we
Let's leave now before I feel worse - and

All the signs illuminate
It's time to cut the thread
No chance "to be continued"
This movie has come to an end

...guess you can say it's over...

...My Flippin Eye Candy

I will never like your girlfriend, but I will always love you...

...Monday Yet Again

First off...WTF is going on with Swine Flu?
Bird Flu - Mad Cow - now this...it's bullshit, and I'll be damned if I'm giving up ham and porkchops!!!
Next we'll have Disgruntled Fish and then what will be left to eat? I'm sure as hell not eating my pet!

In happier news, it was like summertime in Philly this weekend and it was BEAUTIFUL!! I along with the rest of the city took full advantage of it and you couldn't tell us shit.

Weekend was cool...Friday went to a Karaoke bar and laughed at people making fools of themselves.
I spent most of the night just coming at this guys neck...bow-tied the shit out of him every time he spoke. It wasn't even on purpose - sometimes it just flows...especially since I kinda don't like boul. It got so funny it turned into a round table w/ his friends jumping in after I said some fly shit...hilarious

Saturday went out into the suburbs got piffed to take a nature walk and shoot down unsuspecting animals w/ my BB machine guns...shit was fun. Quite funny that the walk took a lot out of us cuz once everyone settled n got re-piffed we just passed out.

Sunday tho...that was the perfect way to roundup the weekend.
Majority of the day was spent at the Plat...in my beach chair- BBQ'n - getting piffy - music bangin - soaking up the sun - children playing - everyone happy - sharing food & drinks [atleast they did w/ me :)] - Horses frolicking - and nonstop traffic flow of cars, bikes, and anything else someone decided to deck out.
I wish I had my camera that day because there were cargasms out the ass man...

I notice a lot of broads got bikes now. Some were just hype as shit while others were pretty fly, so I give em props [only hate when necessary].
I actually want a bike...it would work if I wasn't so scared of fuckin myself up on one - friend of mines skinned the shit out his legs and I saw it all and the recovery...messed me up ever since.
One day before summer ends I'll get the courage to ride on the back of one and move on from there.

On a random tangent...I noticed the only female I consistently speak to is the bestie. Everybody else is male.
Guess I'm one of those jawns screaming "I don't bang w/ girls"...oh well - it makes my life a lot chiller and fun cuz guys are so much easier as friends.
If they really find you to be cool n start to trust you, they keep it 100 most of the time, they give honest feedback [even if its for their own benefit, its still honest], and dumb shit girls would blow way out of hand or egg on for years doesn't phaze em unless its another guy that starts it...and even then they let it go the next day.
Oh the joys of being a male I guess...

Ah well...gotta stop slacking I guess - back to work *whip snap*

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

**DOUBLE FEATURE**
Also a double Kanye ft....get ya money Yeezy


This is an effin bangerrrrr. This has been played quite frequently during this wonderful span of beautiful weather. It's modest cockiness at its finest.
"Kinda Like A Big Deal" The Clipse ft Kanye West

I luv Kid Cudiiiiiii....I'm especially amused by Common's part "You be on that conscious tip/ Get your mind right and get up on this conscious dick..."
"Poke Her Face" - Kid Cudi ft Kanye West & Common

Sucks the weekend has to end...Warm weather still around tho :)

...Oh Shit Son!!!

This Japanese dude is like....*mouth drop* pure hotnessssssssss

...So Apparently

...Even if I finish school, gain my degree and accolades, pursue any further classes to make sure I know all I can for the career I've chosen, meanwhile racking up allll this debt...
Because it's a recession and I'm black I probably will end up unemployed and uberly broke - then told I'm over-qualified to work anywhere else...even get rejected by Walmart...damn

FOR FULL STORY CLICK HERE...


Shit is getting deep...but all I wanna know is - Why is it always the Black people who get the highest numbers of the worse things. We can't even be positive and get an education without ending up on a list with a negative outcome...Times change and circumstances are re-arranged...but it's like we're still just a group of niggaz no matter how we try to progress

...Fav Song Of The Moment

***....Double Feature....***

People may not agree with everything Diddy does, but I give him this...he knows his boy bands - I mean this is the same man who brought us Jodeci...nuff said. Anywayzz off his recent reality spawned creation's album "Forever In A Day" [which was actually quite pleasing] Day26 has gotten this song etched in my brain...and Willie *swoon* sings his lite brite ass off for his wife...and Que ad-libs his precious little voice off to end the song
Just Should've Told You

Never fails to make a drive in my car feel...I dunno if "soothing" is the word, but its just the feeling I get when I know I like a song enough it could be put it on repeat and just coast along...
This CD is hilarious and verrryyyy creative and if you haven't heard it by now youse a suckaaaa
88-Keys Dirty Peaches

...I Just Wanna Be...

...I just wanna get my life on track
Have stacks on deck
Name ain't Soulja Boy but I'd LOVE to cash his checks
I'm not killing the environment or moving drug supplies quick - but I've got motivation & determination...can you follow that?
I hustle everyday
It feels like legal work never pays
I piled up three jobs and school just to make my own way.
Plenty people doing it
But I just think it's bullshit
Why should I sell my arm and lung for something I deserve to get

Why I gotta suffer for a few bad apples
Niggaz with no goals
Broads acting like hoes
Swear having ungrateful niggas' babies will make them happier as time goes
I'm fuckin stressed out
but I won't give up now
I'm waiting for my stock to rise higher than the DOW
I just wanna be in a better place where there are smiles on everybody's face
That day I'm living comfortable now THAT'S when I'll feel Successful
Not the Money-money or the Cars-cars and the Clothes; No hoes, you can keep those
...I just wanna be successful...

If this life fails, I'll become a rapper in my imaginary one and be my own biggest fan
LMFAO

...Another Day In The Life

...I got Skype recently...
but my camera won't work and I have no idea what I'm doing...So I'm gonna buy a new one & catch up w/ my buddy to get it straight
PLUG ** wtfhms.blogspot.com **

..while on Twitter, one of Rev Run's wisdom quotes said basically "Do What You Love & The Money Will Follow."
So I thought about it and I love: Music, Writing & The Discovery Health Channel...I could say science, but I love science in action - not notebooks...ya dig?

So I decided to kinda double major.
I'm gonna return to my first major which is my love...Communications/Radio & TV Broadcasting.

I became hesitant about sticking with it because of the possible long period of not being paid, but I've been talking with a lot of local DJ's, I'm helping my friends who make beats and rap network to current hot & up-coming artists, and taking my hustle to another level to where the pay isn't even a factor - its my drive...so might as well make it stronger with knowledge :)

I'm still gonna be a Radiologist...but if what I want comes through - its a done deal. Atleast I'll have my degree...

Now my main dilemma is: What will my DJ/Personality name be.....?

...What-The Eff-Ever

Some dumb little birdie flew into my windshield couple weeks ago. Yesterday a crack appeared - Today it spread across the drivers side...I hope I killed that bird.

I now decided this morning I'm gonna sign up for more online classes to speed up this process. I'm also going to get the day job to pay for em by taking something so general it can pertain to them to help knock out the rest of those gay ass preliminary courses.

The Day Job had this awards dinner for us earlier this week. I kinda had a good time too...besides it was free food and open bar - why the eff not. After the dinner was the funny part. My co-worker who I'm also very cool with decides to hit on me the ride back. I wouldn't date him for three reasons:
1. You never eat where you shit
2. If things went left, because I appreciate him as a friend it be really awkward
...and most important...
3. He just broke up w/ his girlfriend
....I'm no ones rebound jumpoff...paleese!
But now...poor precious can't even look at me lol...He'll get over it tho.

I went to dinner w/ my Daddy last night and we had a long talk about my mom and stuff. He felt bad that she made me feel that way but in only a way he could tell me, basically I just gotta get over it. It's her fault we are the way we are. For whatever reasons she may have - whatever events occured in the past, she refuses to realize what she really has in not just me, but her family. One day a light bulb might go off in her head...the fog may clear from her eyes...til then I have to get it through my head: If she hasn't acted like my mom in all these 23yrs, she never will...and because I'm already "grown" - its no point. All I can do is just accept her as she is, and hope one day she'll do the same for me

...Gotta learn to write my hurts in the sand and carve my benefits into stone...

"...yes I was burned but I call that a lesson learned..."

Making progress!!!!!!

...They Had Alot Of Time On They Hands

But it is pretty funny.
Rihanna's Revenge

...Gotta Vent 'Cause It Hurts

Soo...
Last night I was hungry as shit and came in the kitchen where my mother was w/ Tyk. Since she technically only has one hand, I was helping her fix her plate. While doing so I feel dizzy and sit down - I pass out and hit my head.
Tyk tries to help me up while my mother steps over me, continues cooking and says "That's what you get for smoking weed."
I brush it off and continue trying to fix plates - I fall again. My dad heard it and ran up from the basement and Tyk helps...Mother continues cooking, not even acknowledging my mere existence in her kitchen besides trying to tell everyone its my own fault for smoking.
...I wasn't high nor had I smoked at all that day. The problem was I hadn't eaten all day - rushing, and my body was prepared to shut down and she acted like just asking if I'm ok would destroy her whole world.
It's not like that was an isolated event. My mother is good for ignoring me, leaving me up the creek with no boat and not even bat an eyelash.
All the time I ask myself...what did I ever do to her?
I've always noticed she had mixed up priorities, but I didn't know to what extent...but the signs were all there. Why else would I live with my Grammy majority of my growing life and her own husband feels the pain of neglect because everything else is more important.
I mean jeez...I know she didn't want me, but after ALL THIS TIME...does she still not accept me?

I act tough as nails, I don't take much shit thanks to the lessons from my Dad - but...It just kills me on the inside to know the person I've always wanted to care...won't.
The person I received the least attention from I craved the most approval from.
She took it all in stride as me being the great child she made...I guess.
No thanks to her though...
She never helped - but she'd always brag.
She was never there but she always got credit. Like I'm only good enough when we have company or out in public like a doll.
In my opinion all she did was house & incubate me for 7 months. Once she actually felt the need to be around me, I was 16 and didn't want to be around her. When she decided to be my authority I had no respect for her in that manner. When we should've been bonding she was jetsetting across America. I don't blame her for doing what she wanted, I just wish one of the things she wanted to do was be my mother.
Children who parents gave them away or died have better relationships than ours. Sheeit Keyshia Cole and her crack momma get along better than us.

Since I'm older I tolerate you as you probably do the same for me, but if you even showed an ounce of the affection you show your friends, coworkers, church people, and EVERYONE ELSE..maybe this fire that burns me to the core against you could die...
...Why is it you can talk to and teach other kids when you never tried to teach me anything but how to be a standoffish bitch. You were supposed to be my role model...my figure of how a mother - a Woman should be...
...Guess I'll keep trying to learn on my own

...Fav. Song Of The Moment

I thought of the song and magically while I was getting ready for work it came on VH1 Soul. This woman has the B-E-A-Utifulest, most soothing and familiar voices ever. Gotta Love Her
...Anita Baker
Enjoy...

...Just Saying...

I Love The Obama's. Not just because their the First Family, but them as people in general. They appear to be the most sincere and thoughtful individuals....seriously - it's really great. They recently met The British Prime Minister and his Wife along with The Queen of England Elizabeth II.

According to foreign diplomatic protocol, gifts should be exchanged amongst the world leaders. Usually they are stuffy no meaning gifts, but, of course, the Obamas added in some surprises. They gave the Queen and Prince Philip a video IPOD filled with footage of her recent trip to the U.S., Broadway songs and classical music.

In return, they received the autographed picture of the Queen herself and Prince Philip.

As for Prime Minister Gordon Brown and his fam:

Mrs. Obama selected a personal style favorite for Mrs. Sarah Brown – a broach (to be specific, it was a “crochet black flower brooch with pearl accents”). John, 5, got a baseball bat signed by Derek Jeter, a baseball signed by President Obama and a book titled Classic Baseball. For younger brother James, 2, there was a collection of 10 Dr. Seuss books.