Soo...
Last night I was hungry as shit and came in the kitchen where my mother was w/ Tyk. Since she technically only has one hand, I was helping her fix her plate. While doing so I feel dizzy and sit down - I pass out and hit my head.
Tyk tries to help me up while my mother steps over me, continues cooking and says "That's what you get for smoking weed."
I brush it off and continue trying to fix plates - I fall again. My dad heard it and ran up from the basement and Tyk helps...Mother continues cooking, not even acknowledging my mere existence in her kitchen besides trying to tell everyone its my own fault for smoking.
...I wasn't high nor had I smoked at all that day. The problem was I hadn't eaten all day - rushing, and my body was prepared to shut down and she acted like just asking if I'm ok would destroy her whole world.
It's not like that was an isolated event. My mother is good for ignoring me, leaving me up the creek with no boat and not even bat an eyelash.
All the time I ask myself...what did I ever do to her?
I've always noticed she had mixed up priorities, but I didn't know to what extent...but the signs were all there. Why else would I live with my Grammy majority of my growing life and her own husband feels the pain of neglect because everything else is more important.
I mean jeez...I know she didn't want me, but after ALL THIS TIME...does she still not accept me?
I act tough as nails, I don't take much shit thanks to the lessons from my Dad - but...It just kills me on the inside to know the person I've always wanted to care...won't.
The person I received the least attention from I craved the most approval from.
She took it all in stride as me being the great child she made...I guess.
No thanks to her though...
She never helped - but she'd always brag.
She was never there but she always got credit. Like I'm only good enough when we have company or out in public like a doll.
In my opinion all she did was house & incubate me for 7 months. Once she actually felt the need to be around me, I was 16 and didn't want to be around her. When she decided to be my authority I had no respect for her in that manner. When we should've been bonding she was jetsetting across America. I don't blame her for doing what she wanted, I just wish one of the things she wanted to do was be my mother.
Children who parents gave them away or died have better relationships than ours. Sheeit Keyshia Cole and her crack momma get along better than us.
Since I'm older I tolerate you as you probably do the same for me, but if you even showed an ounce of the affection you show your friends, coworkers, church people, and EVERYONE ELSE..maybe this fire that burns me to the core against you could die...
...Why is it you can talk to and teach other kids when you never tried to teach me anything but how to be a standoffish bitch. You were supposed to be my role model...my figure of how a mother - a Woman should be...
...Guess I'll keep trying to learn on my own
Last night I was hungry as shit and came in the kitchen where my mother was w/ Tyk. Since she technically only has one hand, I was helping her fix her plate. While doing so I feel dizzy and sit down - I pass out and hit my head.
Tyk tries to help me up while my mother steps over me, continues cooking and says "That's what you get for smoking weed."
I brush it off and continue trying to fix plates - I fall again. My dad heard it and ran up from the basement and Tyk helps...Mother continues cooking, not even acknowledging my mere existence in her kitchen besides trying to tell everyone its my own fault for smoking.
...I wasn't high nor had I smoked at all that day. The problem was I hadn't eaten all day - rushing, and my body was prepared to shut down and she acted like just asking if I'm ok would destroy her whole world.
It's not like that was an isolated event. My mother is good for ignoring me, leaving me up the creek with no boat and not even bat an eyelash.
All the time I ask myself...what did I ever do to her?
I've always noticed she had mixed up priorities, but I didn't know to what extent...but the signs were all there. Why else would I live with my Grammy majority of my growing life and her own husband feels the pain of neglect because everything else is more important.
I mean jeez...I know she didn't want me, but after ALL THIS TIME...does she still not accept me?
I act tough as nails, I don't take much shit thanks to the lessons from my Dad - but...It just kills me on the inside to know the person I've always wanted to care...won't.
The person I received the least attention from I craved the most approval from.
She took it all in stride as me being the great child she made...I guess.
No thanks to her though...
She never helped - but she'd always brag.
She was never there but she always got credit. Like I'm only good enough when we have company or out in public like a doll.
In my opinion all she did was house & incubate me for 7 months. Once she actually felt the need to be around me, I was 16 and didn't want to be around her. When she decided to be my authority I had no respect for her in that manner. When we should've been bonding she was jetsetting across America. I don't blame her for doing what she wanted, I just wish one of the things she wanted to do was be my mother.
Children who parents gave them away or died have better relationships than ours. Sheeit Keyshia Cole and her crack momma get along better than us.
Since I'm older I tolerate you as you probably do the same for me, but if you even showed an ounce of the affection you show your friends, coworkers, church people, and EVERYONE ELSE..maybe this fire that burns me to the core against you could die...
...Why is it you can talk to and teach other kids when you never tried to teach me anything but how to be a standoffish bitch. You were supposed to be my role model...my figure of how a mother - a Woman should be...
...Guess I'll keep trying to learn on my own
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